West of Mars

To say this week has been a nightmare is complimenting the dark forces that produce nightmares.

Don’t ask.

Instead, let’s dwell on the happy stuff. Like three new reviews of The Demo Tapes: Year 1.

Here they are:
Shaunie’s Happy Place
A Piece of My Mind
She is Too Fond of Books

And an interview!

Dawn at She is Too Fond of Books and I had a good time together. She even brought up a few details that don’t get a lot of notice. Be sure to check it out.

So now, you need to know what’s up. What’s the fuss about. Dawn, once again, is on top of it, with a giveaway of The Demo Tapes. I’ve got a copy earmarked just for the winner and will autograph it, so if you want to give a copy to a friend, if you need a second copy of your own, or if — horrors! — you haven’t picked up your own yet… it doesn’t matter. Head on over to Dawn’s and enter for your chance to win my book.

Lots more to come; I need to distract myself from real life. Again. I swear, it’s a perpetual thing. No wonder I write so much fiction. I’d have been committed long ago without it.

It’s been a rough, stressful week, so when I paused before pulling a blind closed last night, it was nice to be able to steal a minute to savor the clear, black sky and the two glistening planets that were visible.

I decided to fill in the blank this week and focus on lovely thoughts for my Thursday Thirteen. Some are real memories, some are fictional; some are real yearnings, some are fictional. I’ll leave it to you to decide which is which, but don’t expect me to set you straight. It’s better when you don’t know.

On a night like this…
1. I wish for a big picture window and a room with nothing in it but a bed. A bed I can move to the perfect spot for making love in the moonlight.

2. I look up and wonder what’s out there. Anyone? Anything more than big hunks of rock and gas that we call planets and stars?

3. I feel a strange yearning for a brightly-lit stage, an enthusiastic audience, and that high you get after a job well-done.

4. I yearn for a cold beer and a quiet, dark back deck. Mosquito-free, please.

5. I remember a summer night spent sitting on the hoods of our cars after a hockey game, the heat and humidity feeling good on our ice-chilled, sweat drenched bodies as we talked until the pre-programmed lights shut off and security gave us funny looks.

6. I wish for a better telescope and the knowledge to use it properly.

7. I think of the times the Tour Manager has offered me his arm, knowing the consequences if I slip on ice.

8. I remember nights on a homemade ice skating rink.

9. I remember hanging outside a tour bus, chatting with the guys in the band. About everything. About nothing.

10. I think about how when I walk out of certain places, the first thing I do is turn my face to the sun. Like being indoors made me need the sun. And now, I need the moon and the stars the same way.

11. I remember pulling over to the side of the road at 3AM or thereabouts, and all of us piling out of two institution-issued minivans to look at the stars. It was my first glimpse of the Milky Way.

12. I remember seeing wolves in the wild and the emotions they conjured.

13. I think of the sunsets I’ve taken the time to savor and store away for dark nights like this, when the planets are bright enough to burst through the suburban light pollution and the night is darker than the darkest nightmare yet it’s not scary. It’s friendly, somehow, giving hope for a better day ahead.

Happy Thursday Thirteen, all.

It was the sound of Mitchell walking back and forth that alerted Sonya. Either the boy was sick, which she doubted, or he was up to something — probably with Trevor.

He’d left his bedroom door open slightly, so before announcing herself, she peeked inside.

“Ow! You fuckhead, let me do it myself!” Trevor’s anger was familiar, but his voice was funny. Off, somehow.

“So here,” Mitchell said. “Do it yourself and then don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Fuckhead.”

Sonya took a step closer to the door before announcing herself. She could see the edge of Trevor in Mitchell’s mirror, and what she saw made her choke on her breath.

“Who’s that?” Mitchell asked as she coughed.

“It’s your mother, Mitchell. May I come in?”

“Uhh…”

“I think she knows,” Trevor said. He sounded stuffed up, nasal, and definitely defensive, yet at the same time, resigned. “Better let her in.”

“C’mon in, Ma,” Mitchell sighed.

Trevor didn’t move from in front of the mirror. He dabbed at a cut on the corner of his eye with a washcloth. A matching cut stretched from the corner of his mouth, heading back toward his cheek. His face was badly swollen, his eyes already blackening.

Sonya wished Patterson were home to help with this. They’d known this moment was coming when they’d have to confront Trevor about the constant bruises the boy sported, the frequent cuts, the perpetual black eyes. They’d agreed on how to handle things, but that didn’t mean Sonya wanted to do it herself. This was Patterson’s strength.

She sat down on the edge of Mitchell’s bed and folded her hands in her lap.

“What?” Mitchell muttered at her, sullen again.

Sonya shook her head and waited.

“Ma…”

“Relax, M. She’s waiting for the right time,” Trevor said. It sounded like it was supposed to be a sneer, but it also sounded like Trevor had a few teeth knocked loose. Not to mention that stuffed-up nose aspect; between that and the eyes, Sonya was willing to bet that nose was out-and-out broken.

“I’m evaluating how you are. Is there more?”

Trevor glared at her but didn’t say anything. He turned like he was going to walk out of the room, maybe to hang the washcloth up in the bathroom, but he didn’t leave. “How long before you call the cops?”

“Did Mitchell do this to you?”

The cut side of Trevor’s mouth curled up in a pained smile as Mitchell began to protest. “Chill,” Trevor told him. “Your mom’s actually got a sense of humor.”

“Well?” Sonya asked. “Did he?”

“Ma!”

“No,” Trevor said.

“Then there’s no need for me to call the police, is there?”

“You’d turn your own kid in?” Mitchell’s yelp conveyed his sense of betrayal, but Sonya ignored him. He should have known better than to believe she’d turn something like that over to the police. Patterson would never stand for it.

“Good,” Trevor said and gave a satisfied nod. “Cops’re a waste of time.”

“Sometimes,” Sonya said.

Trevor eyed her, expecting more, but she continued waiting.

“Protective services, then? You know, someone tried that once already. They came out, talked to Jenny, and decided to leave as soon as Hank came home. Left us four there, but Jeremy snuck out somehow and got away, the loser.”

“What made him such a loser?” Sonya asked.

“He should have stuck up for us. He’s the oldest. Instead, it was all on me. Eliza said it was okay, but HJ let me know it wasn’t.” He looked out the window for a long minute. “I suck as bad as Jeremy. I should be there now, cleaning up.”

“At least you’re trying,” Sonya said. “You don’t suck for trying.”

“No? I only suck for letting it happen? For not being able to protect them? Why the fuck is it my job anyway? I thought I was just a kid. I thought I was supposed to ride the bus to school and eat cafeteria lunches and do my fucking homework. Why the fuck am I the bad guy because I can’t stand being there? Because I don’t fucking want to be part of it anymore? I’ve had enough. Why can’t someone make it stop already?”

Sonya closed her eyes. Patterson had been right; the boy’s behavior and attitudes were all tied into a need to escape. To be part of a family.

She opened her eyes and tried to sort through what to say, but Trevor was giving her that uneasy look again. “So what’re you going to do?” he asked. “You can’t keep quiet about something like this. Fine, upstanding people like you–” his sneer returned — “you’ve got to get involved, don’tcha? Can’t sleep at night with that bleeding heart of yours, but your idea of getting involved means meddling, not fixing shit. So let’s hear it. Who you gonna go squeal to?”

Mitchell shifted his weight.

“No one,” Sonya said gently. “You forget who this bleeding heart is married to. You’ve got a safe haven here — a very safe haven — as long as you need it. Perhaps a measure of protection, too, but that is between you and Patterson. I suggest you don’t insult him — or me again.”

Trevor kept watching Sonya as he began to fidget, picking at folds of the washcloth as it sat on Mitchell’s dresser. “This smells,” he said at last.

“Trev…” Mitchell said.

“At some point in your life, Trevor, you will have to trust someone who wants to help you. I know you’re only fifteen, but Patterson and I believe you’re capable of making that sort of choice now if you’d like.”

Sonya didn’t expect Trevor to do much more than nod, but instead, he caught and held her eye, then slowly lifted his t-shirt and turned around so she could see the bruises there, too.

Okay, Thirteening is, sadly, not the phenomenon it used to be. I miss that.

But if you need a break, or just something interesting to check out, go on back to Anna’s place. Yesterday, you’ll recall, she posted her review of The Demo Tapes: Year 1.

Today, she’s talking to some weird chick you might have known. Funny how it’s the same weirdo who shows up from time to time in my kids’ classes at school. Someone really ought to lock that woman up and throw away the key…

Susan Gives an Interview.

I was thinking up all sorts of cool Thirteens to do today as I was driving to the salon to spend some time with my favorite diva, but it’s what I found when I got home that swayed me to this particular idea.

I found it first in a Google alert, then in my inbox, and finally in my feed reader. (Or I will, once I get that far into the day’s feeds). IT is a review of The Demo Tapes, written by Anna at Diary of an Eccentric, and I’m over the moon about it. It was like I was reading about a favorite book, not MY book, if that makes sense.

It’s reviews like this that remind me why I do what I do. But there are oh, so many more reasons why…

1. In fiction, I can be anyone. I can have any job. I can explore the world.

2. Characters like Trevor have a way of seeing the world in a way that I don’t. More than once, I’ve been upset about something, only to wake up in the middle of the night hearing him voice the silver lining I hadn’t been able to see.

3. My characters make me laugh and I love to laugh.

4. I get to take stupid things and make magic out of them. Like Buying Chicken. Have you guys read this one? It’s in Demo Tapes: Year 1 if you missed it and want to see it all edited and made pretty.

5. I mean, c’mon. How many of us go to the grocery regularly? What’s fun about it after awhile? Yet Trevor finds a way. Trevor always finds a way.

6. Writing Mitchell and Kerri lets my romantic side, buried under my daily deluge of heavy metal and real life, out. If you missed The Art Book earlier this month, here you go.

7. Many writers will tell you this: writing restores my equilibrium. With the new research into ADD and how it affects girls, if I was a child, I’d be medicated to the gills. Instead, I get to sit and write and feel at peace. Or bitchy, if I’m working on a fight scene.

8. Because I have both my BA and MFA in English writing of some sort (My BA also includes journalism and PR as well as fiction; my MFA is only in creative writing. Only!), if I ever have to find a job, I think “Do you want fries with that?” will become my catchphrase. Despite the journalistic training, I just don’t have the interest to follow up on that. Besides, if you think the state of publishing is bad these days, you should look at newspapers!

9. I do this because everyone says to do what you love and the money will follow. Let me tell you, there is some VERY SLOW money following me. Yes, The Demo Tapes have turned a profit, but I quickly turned that back into the cause.

10. It’s not just writing that I love. It’s books. It’s reading. That’s why I started my Win a Book blog. It’s about sharing that love — and being the change I want to see. I want readers to hear about authors other than the usual suspects. So many really good writers are being told that their sales aren’t high enough for a publisher to support their career anymore. Too many authors are hearing this news. Hopefully, I can help be an agent of change for some of them.

11. The publishing industry is changing by the hour, it sometimes feels like. But one thing that will never change is that readers want to read and writers need to write. That relationship will always continue, no matter what.

12. I love to create, and nothing I’ve tried does it for me. I’m a sucky musician. (There IS a reason why you never get to read ShapeShifter lyrics!) My drawings are often confused for something my kids produced. The one time I tried to knit, my toes wound up as part of the scarf. In other words: I’m useless at anything but this.

13. What I’m trying to say already is that this is who I am. It’s what I do. There are days when it’s hard, when I want to walk away and close down this blog and throw any copies of The Demo Tapes into the recycling… but that’s because I’m human. I need reminders like comments from you guys — and reviews like Anna’s to remind me exactly why I do what I do.

I do it ’cause this is who I am.

Thanks for letting me be myself.

Probably one of the best parts of this whole Do It Yourself thing is that I can take my time with soliciting reviews — and that a lot of you guys pop up and post reviews without any nudging from me. (Feel free to add your reviews to Amazon, Lulu (if you bought the book there), or any of the social book sites like GoodReads!)

Like my friend L^2. Have you met her yet? You should; she writes one of my favorite blogs, one I don’t comment on nearly enough anymore. If you use this link and check out her review of The Demo Tapes: Year 1, you’ll see why as soon as the page loads. Visuals, folks. Visuals. Trevor’s gone to the dogs!

And then there’s my friend CandieB. I wish I was a big enough enterprise to need her accounting skills, but then there’s that old adage about not mixing business with friendship. It didn’t stop her from raving about The Demo Tapes, though. Read what she has to say here.

One thing that’s been unanimous so far is the opinion that The Demo Tapes help make the outtakes I post here on the blog make better sense. A lot of you have commented that the timeline I’ve organized the pieces into gives you a much better, deeper appreciation of the guys and their personalities — and their relationships.

That’s why I’m eager to hear what my book club thinks of the book. As our meeting was winding down last week, one of the ladies leaned over and picked a copy of The Demo Tapes out of the cute little WWF bag I keep (and carry them around) in. That started a run on things and before I knew it, I’d sold four copies — and autographed them all. These women don’t read my blog unless I send them a link (which I usually only do when I’m blogging about a book we’ve read). So to hear what they’ll think… I’m eager.

After all, they can’t say anything more confounding or demoralizing than my mom did when she said, “I think I liked the introductions to each piece the best. They are so succinct, so warm.”

Gee, Mom. Thanks. Just what are you trying to tell me, there?

*sigh*

Anyway, check out the reviews. Let me know if you’ve posted any I haven’t seen yet, so I can add them to the cool reviews page I made. And if you’d like a closer gander at this book, use this link.

Melody had taught her girls that limitless choices weren’t overwhelming choices. They were golden opportunities, times to think carefully and try to imagine what life would be like if they chose this one, that one, or refused to consider those over there.

She’d been talking about things more vitally important than a rainbow selection of cowboy boots.

Footwear was image every bit as much as hair color or style. Melody knew that. Melody swore by it.

She’d never expected one of her girls to be standing in front of a selection of cowboy boots, rooted to the spot as though she couldn’t move until one of those leather soles slid between her foot and the floor. “Mom, I need the red ones,” Lyric said.

“Need?” Melody arched an eyebrow and cocked her head, pin-up fashion. She could all but hear the instant erection of the salesman who hovered, ready to do the bidding of these two beauties.

“Need,” Lyric said.

Melody cocked her head to the other side.

“Honey, a look like that…”

“…defines a woman.”

Lyric was smiling. Melody knew that smile, recognized it from her own youth. Lyric was coming into her own womanly power.

Red cowboy boots for Melody’s first-born, it would be.

So I found this writing prompt site, easystreet prompts. They post a picture or a group of words every day, but it’s cooler than that. Most of the pictures are vintage and whether or not the time frame’s right, they make me think of the Great Depression. Except for this one, obviously. It’s been awhile since we spent some time with our favorite porn queen and her offspring, and with Lyric’s red cowboy boots so integral to who she is…

It’s too good! It is! This week’s Booking Through Thursday question:

Do you read any author’s blogs? If so, are you looking for information on their next project? On the author personally? Something else?

Dude, you’re reading one now! This is an author’s blog! Unconventional as hell, but then again, so am I.

And yes, I read lots of authors’ blogs. Too darn many, most likely, but I’m hooked. I want to hear about their new releases. Publicity that works — and doesn’t. I want to be part of this fellowship called Authordom, and gosh darn it if I haven’t made some good friends along the way.

(and then we can mention the way people at conferences tend to recognize my name from comments left on their blogs — and the way I’ll recognize you guys when you come up to me, too. Comments are beautiful things. Be sure to leave some behind!)

Last year at Valentine’s Day, I talked about why our favorite fictional band, ShapeShifter, doesn’t write love songs. If you missed it, or just would like to remember, visit it here.

Once again, Valentine’s Day is on my mind. This year, I thought I’d focus on the gifts that ShapeShifter fans have given the guys over the years. Now, I’m not talking about the bras that grace the famous Wall of Fame. Nor am I talking about the panties that are flung at the stage or tucked into a jeans pocket.

Nope, I’m talking about the things that have real meaning to the fans. Things they have to share.

Things like…
1. The matching plaid flannel boxers each band member was given one cold December night.

2. The scarf knitted by a woman who worked for the band’s record label. It was an odd color, with enough black and grey to make Mitchell happy but with enough green, Louise said, to bring the green out of his hazel eyes. He wore it for a long time, until it disappeared. He tore apart the band’s dressing room. He tore apart the band’s tour bus. He tore apart Trevor’s suitcases and bunk on the bus, but in the end, it was decided that it must have escaped with Mabel the tenth. If you know the fan who might have the scarf, please ask her to return it. She can keep Mabel, though.

3. One fan, knowing of Daniel’s love of current events, gave him a book. Not just any book, it was a history book. An alternative history book, which some people hold as the truth. It scared Daniel so badly, instead of keeping the bus awake with his snores, he kept them up with the screams from his nightmares — and then his need to talk through them, usually with Eric.

4. This band’s love for home-made baked goods (Key lime pie notwithstanding) is legendary. Some fans think home-made treats are a great way to show affection. Unfortunately, management is more worried about the few who’ll sneak something harmful into those cookies and brownies. The baked goods can’t be eaten.

5. Fans love to express their love for their favorite band member through drawings. Of their favorite band member. Which they give to that band member. According to Trevor, not even Mitchell is vain enough to hang them in his house.

6. Jewelry is a popular gift! While there’s the legend of the girl who removed Mitchell’s dragon earring with her teeth — and then kept it! — the part of that legend that’s not told is that it had been a gift from a fan. Earrings and rings with skulls and dragons are the most popular gifts, but there have been all sorts of things, including a dangly thing for Eric’s unpierced nipple, which was believed to have been pierced and ready for the dangly thing. Ever gracious, Eric said thanks and didn’t raise his shirt to show that nope, there were no piercings there.

7. A small stone bear fetish was once pressed into Eric’s hand, so quietly that he never saw who did it. It hung out on the band’s bus for the rest of the leg of the tour, then got lost during the week-long break before heading to Europe.

8. One guy brought his bass to give to Trevor, hoping it would help make him a better bassist. He wasn’t allowed inside with it, so he mailed it to the band’s manager, JR. It didn’t get any farther than that.

9. One guy gave Eric the knife he was going to use to slit his wrists with. He claimed ShapeShifter’s music saved him. While the band doesn’t doubt he feels that way, they also believe that the guy chose to save himself.

10. One clever girl brought Mitchell a new set of grill tools, including an apron and hot mitts. He shipped those home immediately.

11. The band lost track of who it was originally for, but when a ten-gallon hat was handed over during their first big tour of Texas, it got worn on stage that night. Then they left Texas and it wasn’t cool to wear anymore. It’s since vanished.

12. Girls like to hand over stuffed animals, especially bears, and ask that the guys sleep with them. They get donated to hospitals.

13. One quiet girl said nothing but handed each band member a red rose, solemnly. It was Valentine’s Day, and for once, our four favorite blockheads got it.

This is where I act like all the other bloggers and ask what item of meaning would YOU give to YOUR favorite musician. And, of course, who that musician is. But… since this is me, I’m simply inviting you to do what you want. Just remember, if you don’t leave a comment, I won’t know you stopped by, and I won’t be able to return the visit!

One of the reasons I took this leap of faith with The Demo Tapes was that I felt like I have a strong fan base. Every time you guys hand out blog awards my way, you reinforce that. And rather than rest on my laurels, I try that much harder to give you what you come here for — Trevor and excellence in general.

Here’s the latest round of proof that my efforts are appreciated. It got longer after I initially drafted this post; let me know if your eyes are as huge as mine after seeing this list!

First is the Kreativ Blogger Award, from Ruthie at Books Books Books. Okay, she gave it to me and the gang at Win a Book, but that’s okay. I’m the parent of that place as well as this one. Amberkatze realizes it, too.

Shaunie directed it at The Meet and Greet, though. Shaunie and I have been friends for a long time. We’ve even weathered an online fight, which few can say. In other words, her friendship has great meaning for me.

A lot of bloggers have special places in my heart (yeah, okay, that’s because not a lot of people in real life do), but few are like Robin, from Around the Island. An ex-pat living in Israel, with every post, she cuts through the stereotypes I’ve grown up with about the country and actually has me wanting to visit. Really visit, not take a religious pilgrimmage.

She’s given me the Honest Scrap award, which is an odd name, but there you go. Odd names are good, and you know? That might not make a bad band name…

Anyway, the Honest Scrap award asks you to list ten things about yourself. I’m quite sure that throughout this post, I’ve listed more than ten things. Trevor made you do it once, now it’s my turn: go on and count ‘em up.

Back to business… the awesome J. Kaye, who has gone above and beyond for me lately, also gave me the Great Buddy Award. This is the first time I’ve seen this one; it has a lovely graphic on it.

Anna at Diary of an Eccentric must agree. She also handed me this award, and I’m flattered. We’ve been chatting via e-mail lately; it’s been a lot of fun to get to know her (among the many other book bloggers out there). I’ve also had fun sending her links to YouTube, and I’m actually behaving when I do this! I could be sending her Elmo and other annoyances, but instead, I’ve been sending her (and Serena, too) Apocalyptica clips. Because everyone needs some Burn.

Presenting Lenore, another awesome book blogger, created her own awards. Called the You Rock Presenting Lenore’s World Awards, she’s given Win a Book the Most Frequent Updates Award, along with J. Kaye. Well, Lenore, I’m trying! I still wish more book bloggers, authors, and publicists would take advantage (properly!) of what Win a Book is offering.

Janel, at Janel’s Jumble, thought this metal head needed some pink and purple in her life, so I’ve been handed the Butterfly Award. Is this where I say I have not one but TWO butterfly bushes in my back yard? I love the fragile little things that they attract.

My good friend Alice also gave me this award. If you haven’t seen her weekly Jack and Jill posts, you are missing one of my favorite Saturday posts. Every week, I sit in speechless admiration of how she’s taken the weekly Photo Hunt prompt and tied in a storyline with these two little people with blue hair. Check it out before you scoff.

I was floored to see Allykat, a fellow EntreCarder, hand me the Butterfly award. For one, Allykat’s a very devoutly religious person, and I always expect religious people to run away from Trevor and the gang (including me) in horror. Look at the language, the values these guys (don’t) uphold. They aren’t very Christian, which is fine since I’m not, either.

But it seems that Allykat’s not the only person whose mind is bigger than a real-life friend’s, who told me that she wouldn’t read my blog because it offended her. That’s probably where my sensitivity and false expectations came from, huh? So… Allykat, glad to have you here. I hope you’ll stick around and teach me more.

When life gives you lemons… Serena handed me the Lemonade Cart. She awarded it to the home base, West of Mars, and not to either blog. This is probably a good time to tell you that as soon as we finish getting all the kinks out here and fix the rest of the website, Win a Book will be moving to the West of Mars home, too.

Dar, at Peeking Between the Pages, sent another lemonade cart my way, naming BOTH blogs for it. I hope you guys aren’t suggesting a new career for me. Not with the Demo Tapes so newly released!

Anna, my favorite eccentric, blogs at Diary of an Eccentric. I mentioned her before; didja notice? She sent a third lemonade cart my way, also for both blogs. You guys rock; keeping up with Win a Book isn’t easy, but to keep up over here, too? You’re gems and I appreciate the attention.

A fourth lemonade cart is headed to Win a Book. It’s from A Blog of Books, and it’s much appreciated. I don’t know the good folk over there quite as well yet. YET. Did you catch that? The intent is there (oh, the intent is ALWAYS there! It’s the time that’s the problem).

Celtic Angel, one of the coolest people I met through the original Thursday Thirteen, sent the Your Blog is Fabulous badge my way. I’m trying, but Trevor’s in the background, nodding happily and saying, “Of course it is. It’s got me in it!” At times, I envy that boy’s easy cocky style. The worst part, for me as a person, is that everyone eats it up. When I get cocky in real life… people laugh.

Trevor likes threesomes, of course. Triplets, too. Me, I’m not telling except to say that I like THIS threesome. It’s the Triple Award, where three awards have been put together to make one super-duper awesome one. Thanks to Vanilla Seven for thinking of me.

Another relatively new EntreCard friend, Courtney of The Ramblings of Courtney, sent another Butterfly my way. I think I’ve got a whole garden full of them now! That’s good; butterflies are precious things.

There are a ton of folk I’d love to pass these along to, but this post is long enough by now, don’t you think? If you take the time to visit any of them, please tell them I sent you. I hope you’ll make new friends, as I am. And that you’ll all buy many copies of The Demo Tapes.

But you knew that last wish, right?

Seriously. Go make new friends. And thanks for thinking of me. I hope that’ll continue; these posts are fun!

(update before posting: more awards have come my way, so expect to see another one of these hopefully soon!)