Susan Speaks: I’m Standing Right Here

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Another in an intermittent series dissecting what something looks like, but in reality isn’t.

Last week, there was a lot of talk online. Seems the Narcissist in Chief made a comment about how his wife was sad she wasn’t present.

Except… she was standing right beside him.

Most people wrote it off as dementia. It’s an easy enough excuse. It’s handy. It seems to make sense — and it’s the default explanation used by many, so it’s also the most comfortable reasoning. Dementia! Surely that’s it!

But those of us who’ve experienced this garbage firsthand, we know better. It’s not dementia. It’s not a mistake made by a garbled old man.

Oh, hell no. It was a quite deliberately aimed comment. And while the rest of the world was writing it off to the first, easiest, most popular reason, the target herself knew what was going on: She was being told, point-blank and in front of millions, that she didn’t count. That she wasn’t wanted there, that her presence offended, that she should have stayed home. She had erred in some way, and maybe she knew what that way was and maybe she didn’t, but it didn’t matter. The message was sent. And I promise you, the message was received.

If I had to guess, I’d say someone is jealous that his wife — who he recently introduced as “the star of the … family” — is better liked than he is.

And he can’t have that. Narcissists never can, even though spouses and children are generally viewed as nothing more than extensions of themselves, there only to serve the purpose of making the narcissist look good.

But there’s also a war within the narcissist happening here: No one can get more attention and love than I can. And they love you, which makes me look good.

A narcissist can’t understand that it’s okay if the object that’s supposed to make him look good is more popular.

And so he lashes out. He refuses to acknowledge her existence, her presence.

And that, my friends, is abuse.

The world witnessed a man abusing his wife. And very few people can even recognize it for what it is, let alone speak up about it.

Let’s change that.

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