A lot of you are new to me and my fiction project, so it seems that to make you feel more at home, I ought to take a step back and show you around. This week, let’s sightsee around the fictional city of Riverview, USA.

1. Lyrical Pleasures, Lyric’s shop

2. Roach’s Diner

3. Victory’s, the sports bar where Mitchell and Kerri have their first “date,” the spontaneous one.

4. The Washburn Theater, one of the ritzy theaters in town, usually used for plays, musicals and the symphony but also the scene of the Regional Music Awards show that Mitchell takes Kerri to on their official first date.

5. Pigeon Square, a hip yuppie area of old brownstone walk-ups and small yards, set around a small park. A police station backs up against this park. Needless to say, parents love it and junkies hate it.

6. Decade, one of the smaller clubs in the city

7. All Access, the rockin’ joint in Riverview. If the cops aren’t called, it’s not a good night.

8. KRVR, the local, independently-owned rock radio station where Boomer works.

9. Big Buck’s Best Barbecue, featuring Bodacious Sauce. For a city known for its diversity, this is some good barbecue. Here’s an earlier mention of Big Buck’s, and here is something I’ve since found: actual Bodacious Sauce. Tell them I sent you if you order any.

10. Moon Shadows, Trevor’s favorite strip club. Catering to the upscale market, they have the best girls in town.

11. Centrino’s, a boutique clothing store that carries designer clothes in limited quantities so you don’t have to worry about looking like everyone else.

12. Harry’s Hoagies, the people who make Trevor’s favorite meatball sub.

13. The Strand Hotel, a cheap, by-the-hour motel. Here’s an outtake about it.

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1. More of the new Susan Speaks commentaries (the link will bring you to an example of a past one)

2. Pam Derbish

3. more story arcs like Green Hair Week

4. merchandise!

5. Podcasts devoted to the outtakes

6. a Myspace page that’ll feature music

7. new West of Mars graphics and art (got ideas? Know anyone who does? Speak up!) — possibly related to the aforementioned merch

8. hopefully a new look to the old meet-and-greet here

9. contests! Contests! (look for the first one soon)

10. a reputable agent, publisher, and agent who love Trevor and everyone else as much as we do (from my typing fingers to God’s eyes, huh?)

11. more of you groupies to entertain on a semi-daily basis

12. A listing in my sidebar of books I’ve loved, so you can read and love them, too

13. Charity — like this one, or not.

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If you aren’t a regular West of Mars groupie, you might want to start by reading this post.

1. You’re asking three shiksas? (Amy)

2. You can spell the name of the holiday six different ways, which makes the copy editors go nuts. (Chelle)

3. Candlelight. (Kerri smiles and licks her lips knowingly)

4. Hey, if you’re going to involve me in my little brother’s sex life, try this on for size: Hot oil! (Amy)

5. Girl, that’s too kinky for my blood! Give me the chocolate coins instead! (Chelle)

6. You can do plenty of kinky things with chocolate coins, Chelle. (Kerri, who winks while her sister-in-law gags)

7. Is Hanukkah a kinky holiday, or is it just us? (Kerri)

8. You’re the dirty ones, not me. (Chelle)

9. Back to Hanukkah… those spinning tops. Only religion I’ve ever heard of that condones gambling. (Kerri)

10. How’d you know all this? I thought I’d be the expert here since I have to read the same stupid articles in my paper every year. (Chelle)

11. It’s a story of a war victory and oil that lasted eight days instead of one. And this is where I point out that the winning team was led by a woman. (Amy)

12. Back to the oil, Aim? Is there something we should know about you and Derek? (Kerri, who’s grinning)

13. I give up! I can’t do a damn thing with these two dirty birds here! Did anyone notice that you stuck me in a room with the two women closest to Mitchell Voss? What is it with that man and sex?

Happy Hanukkah, everyone! If you’d like to celebrate with ShapeShifter, you might want to check out this post, too.

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1. Female fans waiting for them at their hotels, wearing Santa outfits. Suddenly, they have been very good boys. Especially Trevor.
2. Being on the road instead of at home with family.
3. Attending church when Eric’s dad gives his yearly Christmas sermon. It’s always Pastor Wallace’s most personal, moving sermon of the year, and people talk about it until he delivers the next one.
4. Fans who ask what they should buy their loved ones. Like the ShapeShifter boys have a clue? Their families get a new ShapeShifter t-shirt (or so they say).
5. The excitement of the crowds at shows. Always palpable, at this time of year, it’s obvious that shows are a real stress release for the fans, and that challenges the band to play better. They love those challenges. Haven’t turned one down yet.
6. Travelling to rush home in time for Christmas Eve. At least there’s a camaraderie with their fellow travellers that makes it bearable. Sometimes BARE-able, too.
7. Eating Christmas dinner in hotel restaurants. And being one of three other groups in there. Nothing makes you feel more pathetic, unless it’s eating Christmas dinner on a tour bus while travelling to the show you’ll be playing on the 26^th.
8. Certain parts of the world get snowy this time of year. And cold. Riverview doesn’t get that cold. Then again, not many places get colder than Minnesota. Or Siberia. Both of which they’ve been to during December. And January. And, come to think of it, February. (okay, they only played Siberia twice. And once was during the summer.)
9. Changing lyrics to be more seasonal and laughing when the crowd doesn’t get it. Or when the crowd does and sings along.
10. Lack of company holiday parties.
11. Old friends who show up on their days off to spread some Christmas cheer and create a new twist on a company holiday party.
12. Throwing Christmas parties for the crew.
13. Opening presents. It never gets old.

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1. Lemon juice (Not only didn’t it work, it made his hair so dry, it stood out from his head like he was plugged directly into an electrical outlet. You could smell it from the audience, too.)

2. Mountain Dew (Hey, it’s the same color as lemon juice. Sort of. Mostly.)

3. Coffee (Brown and green make… green.)

4. Milk (Gotta make the coffee less bitter, I suppose.)

5. Tea (Might have worked better had they brewed it instead of rubbing wet tea bags on Mitchell’s head.)

6. Toothpaste (Mitchell smelled minty fresh!)

7. Beer (Made it shiny. Trevor said the shine made it look like pond scum. Mitchell promptly beat him almost senseless.)

8. Honey (Don’t call Mitchell honey. Ever.)

9. Mayonnaise (Didn’t do a thing for the color, but it gave his poor hair a good conditioning after all this stuff he’s used so far.)

10. Mustard (What’s one more condiment? And no, ketchup wasn’t next, for fear of going from green to pink.)

11. Orange juice (Mitchell’s always drinking it; maybe it’ll help if he wears it, too.)

12. Vodka (Screwdriver, anyone?)

13. Corned Beef (This was Trevor’s half-joking solution. At this point, Mitchell figured he had nothing to lose. Including, it turned out, the green.)

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1. A new album!

2. A tour to come to town, hopefully soon, and hopefully at a time when they’ve got the cash and time off from work to get floor seats.

3. To get to go for a ride with Trevor on his Vincent.

4. Backstage passes to finally meet the band, and permission to bring a camera inside for pictures to prove that it really happened.

5. To have their art picked for a ShapeShifter t-shirt.

6. To catch one of Daniel’s drumsticks when he tosses them into the crowd before Eric’s solo.

7. Guitar lessons from Eric. Years of guitar lessons, even though that’ll only scratch the surface. And a gift of one of Eric’s guitars, too.

8. Mitchell and Daniel to break up with Kerri and Val and hook up with them instead.

9. The collected videos to be released. Or a video of a show. Or any sort of video of the guys, especially if it includes candid stuff.

10. To run into the band during a visit to Riverview. Or, maybe even better, to run into a member or two when they are tooling around their own hometown, looking particularly cool. So cool that the band member flags them down and wants to be their friend.

11. A personal phone call from their favorite band member, asking what Santa brought.

12. A job as a ShapeShifter roadie.

13. To be the guys’ new best friend.

(thanks go to Rashembo for today’s inspiration)

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1. Trevor’s original vision that created the band

2. A savvy manager

3. The rabid fans who would sooner miss work than a show, the fans who follow the band on tour, the fans who buy the records but never come to shows, and everyone in between

4. The girls who take the time to make themselves look good so they’ll please the band

5. Musical talent, even though Trevor’s is a bit lacking at times

6. Kerri, who keeps Mitchell grounded and his head the proper size

7. Multi-platinum records

8. The journalists who cover the band, even when they don’t do anything they think is particularly newsworthy

9. Val, who cooks for them

10. No more day jobs!

11. Mitchell’s parents, who are the ultimate band parents: always supportive but brutally honest, and who love to send the band care packages while on the road

12. A creator with a great vision (that’d be me)

13. lots of readers for Susan’s blog (that’d be you)

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1. Finding all four members (how Trevor did this without putting an ad in the paper, no one really knew. Daniel and Eric both said that one day, there was this total stranger named Trevor, offering them a spot in his band. Good thing they were smart enough to trust Trevor’s charisma)

2. Surviving practicing in the Voss’ basement, with Amy as the peanut gallery and Sonya as the band Mom.

3. Getting good. (Or, in some cases *coughTrevorcough*, learning how to play.)

4. Landing their first gig. (Trevor seduced a clueless waitress into putting in a good word with the club owner.)

5. Recording their first demo. (Daniel offered to play drums on the producer’s little brother’s country band to get better studio time, which was largely wasted by four largely clueless little boys.)

6. Making their first t-shirts — after they had to tape one of the design choices back together and wipe the spit off it.

7. Getting gigs out of state before they had JR as their manager. (Accomplished by Daniel calling small holes-in-the-walls that Trevor found, or by Daniel calling bands they’d opened for in Riverview and, while Mitchell rolled on the floor with laughter in the background, begging to open for them again even though a lot of them sucked and weren’t heard of again.)

8. Touring in Mitchell’s dad’s Ford Bronco, with a trailer on back for their gear and one sleeping bag for the four of them to use in the cargo area.

9. Landing their manager, who previously had been a mail boy at a bigger management company, but who harbored dreams of being on his own and, like Mitchell, needed the push from Trevor to up and do it.

10. The celebration the night they signed their first record deal, when Daniel ran naked up and down the street in front of All Access, screaming that ShapeShifter was getting out of this shithole town and was never coming back.

11. Pam.

12. A blonde rhythm guitarist/singer who all the girls lusted for showing up at the end of a three-day-break sporting green hair that he hadn’t dyed and was desperate to get rid of. (remind me to tell you that one…)

13. Repeated Death by Cheese

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Thanks to L^2 for the new graphic to replace the defunct original!

Mitchell has this cheap acoustic named Mabel for those times when it’s not smart to whip out one of his good guitars just to fill his hands. Mabel’s become a legend within ShapeShifter because, being a cheap acoustic guitar, no one takes particularly good care of her. And so, she meets her end in many, many ways, each one memorable.

1. Stepped on (Mabel the first)
2. Broke her neck when she got in the way of Daniel and some girl, both too drunk to realize they weren’t climbing into a top bunk on the tour bus (Mabel the thirteenth, who conveniently left … uhh… guitar-string burn on Daniel’s … uhh… rear)
3. Stolen (two, ten, and sixteen) — although Mitchell wouldn’t put it past her to run off with someone.
4. Jumped out of a moving tour bus (Mabel the twelfth)
5. Decided to Stay in Omaha (Mabel the third, who visits the band every time they come through)
6. Lost her head during tuning (Mabel the sixth)
7. Given to a particularly grateful fan (Mabel the fourth and eleventh)
8. Jumped in the middle of a game of Naked Twister (Mabel the seventeenth)
9. Decided to take a soak in the hot tub (Mabel the ninth)
10. Took a dive down the stairwell from the hotel’s twelfth floor during a particularly boring party (Mabel the eighth)
11. Drowned her sorrows, and herself, in a bottle of JD (Mabel the fourteenth)
12. Got in the middle of a food fight (Mabel the seventh)
13. Tried to join a day off in the pool (Mabel the fifteenth)

And, as an honorable mention because it hasn’t happened yet, broken over Mitchell’s head when Kerri gets angry with him.

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