Byline: Chelle LaFleur — Tuning Down

Now, I don’t get what all the howlin’ and cryin’s about. Seems legendary singer Sammy Spencer is reuiniting with the last two living original members of Scarred Heart. That ought to be good news and we all oughta be celebrating this. Scarred Heart was, for you too young to know your roots as proper as you should, one of the bands that brought the words Heavy Metal into our world. They took Johnny B. Good and taught him how to bang his head.

Scarred Heart’s die-hard fans been yowlin’ for a reunion for years now. Chelle here been one of ’em ’cause she never got to see them live the first time out, and that’s one of those things that’s gotta get fixed so Chelle can die a happy woman. News of the reunion was met with a big cheer here at the Trumpet’s office, and around the world, too. It was a heck of a sound; I’m surprised you missed it. Cows in heat don’t often walk around New Orleans, you know what Chelle’s sayin’ here?

Now comes word that fans are threatening to boycott. Seems that Sammy Spencer can’t reach those high notes that make Chelle’s kinky hair stand on end. Seems that in thirty years, Sammy Spencer had the good fortune to grow himself up. For men, that means their voices get lower and they can’t get up to those high notes no more.

Oh, sure there are a few who can. But Chelle wants to know if they can do it outside of a recording studio and with the taped voice track turned off. If so, she wants to see what they got in their pants. It’s either nothing ’cause they’ve been snipped so their voices stay high, or else there’ve got something making them mighty uncomfortable…

None of those options fit the Scarred Heart style. Remember, boys and girls, this was the band that was all about keepin’ it real back before keeping it real was a trendy thing. This was the band who made us all sit up and realize that not everyone kept it real.

That means there won’t be vocal tracks piped in over Sammy’s real voice. That Sammy’s not going to hurt himself to bring us his famous high notes.

What it means is that the band’s changing the tuning of their songs, so that Sammy can sing ’em the best way he can. ‘Cause we all know: Scarred Heart’s gotta keep it real.

Keepin’ it real is what you so-called fans are now having hissy fits over. Seems you’d rather have fake music in the name of it bein’ like the albums you probably never replaced once vinyl went out of fashion. You don’t want to know that your hero’s gettin’ old and can’t hit those high notes. You want it fake.

You peeps are spoiled. Let Scarred Heart tune it down. Let ’em show us that they can still rock with the best of them. And quit your bitchin’. Save it for the next time ShapeShifter’s resident hottie Mitchell Voss refuses to take his shirt off during a show. Now that, that is a thing to whine about.

You heard it first, and you heard it here: Let Sammy sing it the best he can. He’ll still rock your socks off.

Why aren’t you riding the Poetry Train?