Tagged: A Weekend in Riverview

When Rhian tagged me for this meme, she wanted it to be about Pittsburgh, since she’ll be here in April for the Romantic Times convention. That surprised me because she is, hands down, Trevor Wolff‘s biggest fan. I’d figured she’d want to let Trevor have some fun.

She did.

In her honor, let Trevor do the same meme, based around the town he lives in, the fictional Riverview.

Best Place to Eat

Oh, man. Like I know the hoity-toity places? Ask Rusty about those. If it were up to me, Harry’s Hoagies would deliver. Three times a day. Meatball subs and a root beer.

When I’m stuck making Mitchell happy, we head over to Big Buck’s Best Barbecue a lot. His family’s entrenched at this Italian place called Paulo’s. It’s not the greatest, but they feed me and him for free sometimes. They made this special salad thing with a funny name just for the big idiot. You should see the way he grins when they put it down in front of him. Pathetic. It’s a fucking salad, loser.

Then there’s Roach’s Diner. The whole fucking world hangs out there, especially after shows. Honey keeps a spot in the back for us on nights we play, and then she chases off the glory hounds if we’re not in the mood. And sometimes if we are.

Best Shopping Mall

Yeah, that’d be Lyric‘s shop. Or it would be if she’d carry clothes for us guys. Clothes, I said. She’s got plenty of G-strings and hardcore shit, but if I could get my leathers from her instead of that weirdo who likes to measure my dick to get the bulge in the pants just right, I’d be a lot happier. That guy scares me, but damn if the pants aren’t the best.

Lyric’s already dressing the girls up real good. She says she’s got the city’s most exclusive line of club wear. That’s great. Gimme something more than a dress for a drag queen, okay? It works for them, not Trevor Fucking Wolff.

Famous Landmark
All Access, baby. That club’s infamous. I don’t give a shit if you’ve sold ten million albums. If you haven’t found a way to play All Access, you’re nobody.

Best Tourism Attraction
ShapeShifter.

Like you expected any different?

Best Place for the Kids
Anywhere far away from me. Maybe the next town over.

Popular Outdoor Activity
Sleeping out for ShapeShifter tickets. You’re an idiot if you don’t know that at the end of every tour, we play — well, shit, usually All Access, but every now and then they book up too fast — a show under a fake name. The same fake name so it’s not hard to figure out who Wolf Whistle is.

Mitchell and I once drove past the line waiting for Wolf Whistle tickets. We counted three fights and five couples going at it. Not bad.

Breathtaking Views
Me, onstage. What else?

Well, okay, my friend Diane when she dances. It’s the only time she’s not whining about something, for one. And for another, she’s a damn good dancer. Good at other things, too, and yeah, she takes my breath away when she does some of ’em.

Only Found in Riverview
ShapeShifter. Me. All Access. Big Buck’s. Lyric.

Mitchell’s reading this over my shoulder and he says I can’t include me ’cause we leave town, and that means I can be found in other towns. I say he’s an idiot who ought to mind his own fucking business before I throw his ugly ass out of my band.

Yeah, asshole. My band. I don’t care if you’re the singer and the one the girls swoon over. It’s my band. You’d be sitting in your room, too afraid to dream, if it weren’t for me.

While Mitchell comes up with an appropriate response, check out my original response, a weekend in Pittsburgh.