Thursday Thirteen: Trevor Style

Trevor Wolff doesn’t do reruns. And this Thursday Thirteen thing, all this dying and resurrection drama, it smells of reruns.

But Susan’s insisting. All ’cause of Robin. And Robin… Now there is a woman for you. Strong. Devoted. I bet she could teach Rusty a few things about being cool, too. Even though it was Susan who she said was cool, not me. I’ll have you know, Robin, I’m cooler than Susan can ever hope to be. Got that?

Robin got handed some blog award where she was supposed to tell ten things about herself. She wanted Susan or me to do it.  Susan thought that it’d be fun to get to know this new Thirteen crowd. Maybe remind the old crowd what they’ve been missing.

That means old Trevor gets to do the honors. Ten things about himself, not about Susan. Only, since I’m Trevor Fucking Wolff, I get to forget how to count again and turn ten into thirteen. Which is still better than Mitchell, who’d turn ten into twelve. Idiot’s got his head so far into his music, everything with him’s all about fours.

1. My name’s Trevor Fucking Wolff. Yeah, it’ll be on the quiz. Take notes.

2. I play bass in this band I founded. ShapeShifter. You shoulda heard of us; we fucking thunder. Not rock. Rocking’s for sissies. We thunder. Get the dif?

3. That dork I mentioned, Mitchell. He’s my best friend. Like a brother to me. I lived with his family for two years until I quit high school two days before graduation and Mitchell’s parents told me it was time to move out on my own.

4. I got this rinky-dink apartment over Decade. Still live there.

5.  I have a Vincent. That’s a motorcyle, for you who don’t know better. I rebuilt it mostly by myself. Hammer, Wrench, and Torque helped.

6. I star in Susan’s first book, The Demo Tapes.  You need a copy, if you don’t already have one.

7. It’s chock full of 20 of my favorite adventures. Well, favorite until Susan puts out The Demo Tapes: Year 2.  She’s working on it.

8. Before Mitchell fell in love with this redheaded artist type, he and I tore up the city of Riverview, where we live. Now that he was dumb enough to commit an act of monogamy with Rusty, I rule the city myself. It’s not as much fun as watching Mitchell be a dork.

9. If there’s a willing girl, I’m there. A woman’s body is best appreciated up close. All those curves and soft places; it’s a guy’s fantasy come true. Every single time.

10. One thing no one told us was that the groupies you meet on the way up are the ones you’ll remember the longest. That’s ’cause they do more than spend ten minutes making you happy, ifyouknowwhatTrevormeans. They give you a place to crash when you’re on tour and too broke for a hotel. They feed you after-show dinners and keep the beer flowing and give you Advil in the morning when you had too many beers.

11. Not me, though. My idea of beer’s root beer. I get to laugh at the hungover asses of those three.

12. Susan wrote a book. A novel. When you read it, you’ll get the root beer. And meatball subs. The more copies of The Demo Tapes that you buy, the sooner you’ll get to read the novel. She’s not the only one who promises. I do, too. There’s shit in that book that I’m sick of not being able to tell you about.

13.  How many of you Thirteeners missed old Trevor? ‘Cause Trevor sure missed a lot of you…

Pop quiz: What’s Trevor’s name again?