Susan’s Inside Writing: Good riddance!

Two paragraphs I just cut out of Trevor… can YOU tell why I did it?

She was dying to fall into bed with Mitchell and screw him crazy. She hadn’t believed him when he’d said that it would feel like they’d been gone forever, especially because she’d actually been looking forward to a little bit of space while he was gone. She’d expected to just fall back into her life, the one she’d had before she’d met some shy musician type — so she’d thought — in the produce section of the grocery store.

But some of her friends had gotten weirded out by the fact that she was dating Mitchell Voss. An ambitious few had tried to shove their art under his nose and get themselves on the radar the easy way; Mitchell had been as gracious as anyone could be under those circumstances, but those friends had scrammed as soon as he’d given them the polite brush-off. And then there was the subset who were jealous of Kerri’s good fortune at finding herself a gravy train. “You’ll never have to pick up a brush again!” one of them had been dumb enough to say. As if she could ever put it down in the first place.

Yeah, it made ME groan, too, and I’m the one who wrote it. This is why they say writing is a craft, folks…

But reading isn’t, and if you’d like something free to read, check out the contest I’m hosting (just scroll on down for both my contest and the list of others). Yes, I’m asking you to write something, but I’m not judging you on the quality of the writing (I can’t! Not when I have to edit out drek like what’s above!), but on the content. Go for it; you never know when my LD will flare up and I’ll forget how to count to seven.