Following on the tails of last week’s semi-rant about how easy it is for anyone to get the wrong idea about the quality of self-published books, I got a new assignment from TWTBC.

My eyes bugged. My jaw dropped open.

The book is only 150 pages or so, barely long enough to call a novel.

The only commas are there so you can accuse the author of comma splices, rending most sentences unreadable on the first try.

The paragraphing is bad — there’s dialogue and then, instead of a new paragraph, there’s narration. Right after the dialogue. Except, the narration and action (usually someone shrugging or sighing) is attributed to the next speaker.

So it goes like this.

“Whaddya think?” Trevor sighed.

“You know thinking’s bad for your health, dumbass. Quit bothering me.” Mitchell giggled.

“What makes you think you’re always right?” Trevor shrugged.

It SHOULD read:

“Whaddya think?”

Trevor sighed. “You know thinking’s bad for your health, dumbass. Quit bothering me.”

Mitchell giggled. “What makes you think you’re always right?”

Trevor shrugged.

Did you notice that the characters aren’t particularly nice to each other? There are also a couple of adverbs that describe how EVERYTHING happens. Thoughtfully. Carelessly. Okay, those aren’t the real ones, but imagine if they were, and used in the wrong spots, too. Actions completed thoughtfully, during a fight scene? (Not to mention, in the above example, Mitchell giggling. First of all, it’s out of character. Second of all, it’s not appropriate for the scene.)

And yes, there is MORE. On the one hand, I feel terrible for the author. S/he’s got his/her name associated with this hot mess of a book. On that same hand, I wish I could edit it for him/her. But on that other hand… I’m glad I didn’t. A hot mess this bad would have cost way more than the book review eventually did. And while I know I’m a really good editor, I also know that one can only do so much with what you’re given. For all I know, the author DID hire an editor, and then refused to listen to what s/he had to say. In a year since I returned to editing, I’ve had that happen. (The client didn’t pay the full bill in the end, either. Go figure.)

This is one I can’t wait to be done with. And sadly, when people want a poster child for what’s wrong with self-publishing, it’s this book they’ll turn to. It’s so much easier to be negative in today’s world, after all, and overlook the good stuff… and let me say it again: there is PLENTY of good stuff out there.

I think I’m going to start featuring it. Once I finish this hot mess.

(If you’re new here and don’t know who Trevor and Mitchell are, well… shame on you! But use this link to learn everything you need to. Welcome to the Trevolution.

**Thanks to my own impromptu editor, Robin at Around the Island, for catching a rare Susan typo!