Thirteen piles of Halloween goodies! Even before ShapeShifter was a household name, like they are during Trevor’s Song, Mitchell and Trevor knew how to rule the world in their own style. To wit, the band’s first Halloween. They were booked to play the Halloween Party at All Access (their first time there!), opening for two other more established local acts (both of whom broke up before the end of the year.) — there were two sets: one for the Under 21 crowd and one for the Over 21 crowd, which was when the cops were generally expected. This was, after all, the annual Halloween Party at All Access. That meant no trick-or-treating for the ShapeShifter boys who, in their late teens, were too cool to go out but who still wanted some free chocolate. Especially Daniel, whose grandmother had taken to denying him candy in the hopes of clearing up the drummer’s acne, which wasn’t that bad, but we all know how grandmothers dote on their grandkids. The young band came up with an idea: Drop candy into the bags held by Mitchell’s sisters or Eric’s brother Jared and get entered into a drawing for free ShapeShifter stuff. Demos, t-shirts, and the brand new patches for your jackets and vests. Free stuff! How could the crowd refuse? Here is what the band managed to collect: 1. 150 Peanut Butter Cups, in varying shapes, sizes, and manufacturers. 2. 300 Tootsie Rolls. 3. 50 lollipops. 4. Four lollipop rings. 5. Too many packages of Smarties to count. This was a particularly nice haul, as Eric has a serious addiction to them. 6. Two packages of brand-new rolling paper. Trevor considered these better than candy. 7. Three jellybeans, possibly left over from someone’s Easter basket. 8. An entire, unopened package of Hershey’s miniatures. 9. A complete set of brand new guitar strings, of a finer variety than Mitchell or Eric were currently using. 10. 35 Almond Joys. 11. 100 Kit Kats, possibly donated by someone dressed up as a lion. 12. Four sets of gummy eyeballs. 13. Ten packages of Fun Dip.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Happy Halloween, everyone! I hope you all had polite visitors, no tricks, and a lot of treats!

JM, at the fiction scribe, gave me the When you Smile Award.

You guys know that I love awards. They make me smile, but they do more than that. I take probably too much validation from them, which is sort of sick in the head, but what do you expect from a girl like me who writes about rock stars, anyway? I mean, that fact alone speaks volumes about insecurity and delusions of grandeur.

Anyway, I love these things, and part of loving getting them is the love of passing them along.

My friend Bunnygirl‘s created a world that’s real and vibrant. If you haven’t checked out her fiction, you should. AND she’s done what I don’t have the guts to do yet — published a volume through Lulu.com. Called My New-Found Land, it’s got to be good, if her outtakes are any indication. (My own copy hasn’t arrived yet. I’ll holler when it does)

So… with no small flourish and a great bit of envy for Bunny’s writing ability, I present this award to her.

And if you see this before Halloween and you have some fiction to share, read the comment trail. Bunnygirl’s throwing a last-minute Halloween story carnival. Why not join in??

The fires in Southern California have been on my mind quite a bit lately. I’ve got family out there, friends, and people with whom I’ve fallen out of touch — but not out of thoughts. Kermit Ladd wanted to talk to the boys about something serious for a change. He posed this question to the band: If these fires were to ravage Riverview, what would you risk your life to save? 1. Mitchell: My guitars. I’ve got a few that’re worth tons. I couldn’t leave without them. Kerri: Not that you can be without a guitar in your hand for more than twenty minutes before you get twitchy. Mitchell smiles guiltily. 2. Trevor: I’d want my bass with the cracked neck, the one M taught me how to play on. And my bike. I rebuilt that fucker from the ground up. I’m taking it to the fucking grave with me. Kerri: It’ll be a big chunk of land, Trev. You and a motorcycle. Trevor: Good. Plant some trees. If they burn, plant more. Eric: Part of the reason so many homes are burning is because people are planting too much in a desert. Trevor: Don’t fucking bury me in a desert, okay? I fucking hate deserts. Eric: So do many of the people who live in them. 3. Mitchell: Eric? You’re the more serious guitar collector. Which would you save? Eric: The important things are family. So long as I have that, the guitars can burn. Mitchell winces. 4. Kerri: I have a few paintings I’d want to save. Like the first one I did of you, M. Mitchell: And the one of us in the bathroom. Trevor: That’s you two? Kerri: Who’d you think it was? Mitchell: Of course it’s us. I’m not letting Kerri paint any pictures of couples making love like that unless it’s us. 5. Daniel: I talked to Gecko, from Deadly Metal Hatchet the other night. He said Fozzy’s taking the Hatchet out there so it can cut down brush and try to help. 6. Mitchell: What’re you going to save? Daniel: Val’s cookbooks. That way, we can help by making gourmet meals for people stuck living in trailers and shelters and stuff. At least, that’s what she says. I don’t know how she’ll pull it off, though. 7. Eric: There are lots of ways to help. I’m not sure that’ll be so easy, either. Daniel shrugs and says: Maybe, but at least it’s doing something. Some of those people are our fans. 8. Mitchell: Maybe we’ll figure out a way to get t-shirts to anyone who lost their home. It’s not much, but at least they’ll have something clean to wear. 9. Eric: You’ll notice none of us thought about saving our clothes. 10. Mitchell: Makes you wonder how many who had to run thought about it, too. 11. Kerri: I don’t know that I would. I think I’d be too busy trying to figure out how to save the painting of you guys that’s on the wall in the trophy room. Mitchell: I think that one’s a goner, babe. Kerri shudders. 12. Eric: It really makes you think. Appreciate. 13. Daniel: It sure does. Kermit, you’re going to donate your payment for this article to the relief effort, right?

Remember, if you’re not sure who these people are, click on the links in their names to go visit their bios. And to see ShapeShifter continue to get the best of Kermit, visit these links:

The Balancing Meme
Excerpts from an Interview

The best part of being a writer and having a large cast to write about is that when something happens to you, you can share the pleasure — or, in this case, the misery.

Thirteen ways having a cold sucks 1. If you’re Trevor, you’re too tired to chase girls under their boyfriends’ noses. 2. If you’re Mitchell, you don’t feel like making music. 3. If you’re Eric, you go through so many tissues, your nose turns red and scaly. 4. If you’re Kerri, you pick up a pencil, make a few lines on a sketch pad, and put it aside in favor of a nap. 5. If you’re Trevor, everyone gets worried because you’re not eating everything in sight. 6. If you’re Pam, you plaster a smile on your face and teach your aerobics class anyway. When you get home is when you can give in. 7. If you’re Mitchell, you drink so many gallons of orange juice, you burp pulp. 8. If you’re Chelle, you quietly stay in bed. 9. If you’re Daniel, you whine at Val until she comes to take care of you. 10. If you’re Trevor, you find some quiet girl who’s the mothering type to smother you with attention for an hour or two. Then you get tired of her and ask her to leave so you can take a nap. When you wake up, you’re glad she’s gone and that your pants never got unzipped. 11. If you’re Kerri, you hide as much of your misery as possible from Mitchell, or else he’ll freak out and call Amy every ten minutes for unneeded medical advice. 12. If you’re Val, you take Zicam and medicated cough drops at the first hint of a cold because you can’t be slowed down. 13. If you’re me, you sulk ’cause you hate being too foggy to write.

A couple of things sparked this list this week. I spent a big chunk of Tuesday shopping online, getting the last (I hope!) things I need for my trip over New Year’s. I touched base with a friend who used to work in the music biz and whose husband still does, and they always make me think of bands on the road (in fact, the last time I saw him was here in Pittsburgh, when he blew through). And I’m trying to figure out how many nights I want to stay in the hotel downtown during the Romantic Times Convention, and how many nights I want to return to the quiet and semi-sanity of family life.

Put all of that together and we get…

Thirteen Things Kerri Brings on the Road 1. Comfy shoes to stand around in all day. 2. Another pair, just in case something happens to the first. 3. A warm-up jacket for the days when one room is warm, the hallway’s cold, and the side of the stage is something else entirely. 4. A stack of sketch pads and a bunch of pencils — and a hand-held pencil sharpener that can be slid into a jeans pocket and yanked out when needed. 5. Jeans, jeans, and more jeans. 6. Sweats, just in case. 7. Extra toothbrushes, because they have a habit of staying behind in hotels. 8. Tank tops and athletic shorts to sleep in/lounge around the bus in during the warmer months. 9. A little black dress, hose, and heels 10. a bathing suit because she married, as Trevor likes to say, a fish. 11. The makeup kit from her days with the drag queens, for use on whoever falls asleep at the party first. 12. Old hair ribbons, to sneak up on Trevor and tie into his waist-length hair 13. Sharpies, of course. Everyone on the road needs Sharpies.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Who is Kerri Voss and why does she need to worry about what to bring on the road? Who’s this fish she married? And what about that Trevor guy?

Click here to get some answers. Or hang out here more often and learn it all first-hand.

Wylie tagged me for this one. Silly woman: What do Nice Jewish Girls know about Christmas?

The good news is that Eric is the son of a minister. And since the Tour Manager was upset that Eric didn’t get a say in the five nights meme, I thought we’d let Eric have the full go at this. Even though Eric got to narrate the entire Wall of Fame Thursday Thirteen.

What is your favorite Christmas gift? I used to buy my mom one of those monthly things. Every year would be different: fruit, cheese, flowers, wine. She really liked the beer. But she’s getting up there in her years and she’d like more time to devote to her community service projects, so the past few years, I’ve paid for Michelle, Mitchell and Kerri’s housekeeper, to keep house for Mom. And yes, that means all the daily stuff. My mom doesn’t need to wash a single dish unless she wants to.

What is your best memory of Christmas? All of them. I don’t have a single bad memory. Not even the time Fred jumped on my new GI Joe and broke him. That was bad, but what was better was being allowed to crawl on Mom’s lap and cry. Fred wasn’t allowed to touch the new GI Joe to replace the broken one, either.

Depending upon where you live, do you have a hot or cold Christmas? That is entirely dependent on where the band is. When we’re at home, the climate is beautiful. Cool evenings, warm days. You just can’t beat Riverview for great weather.

Would you prefer to try the opposite weather at least just once? I have. I’ve had snowy Christmases. I’ve had Christmases where it’s been too cold to snow. I’ve had Christmases that I spent on the beach, getting a sunburn. I’ve had rainy Christmases and I’ve had days that were so beautiful, they take your breath away.

The weather doesn’t matter, you know. What matters is the sacredness and the sanctity of the day. That is something that comes from within and makes even ugly weather simply beautiful.

What do you prefer in a tree? Fake or real? Our real trees are planted outside the house. Dad could never justify cutting down a living thing for a month’s worth of decorations. It seems very callous to God, who created trees. Yes, they were created for our enjoyment, but Dad believes we get more enjoyment from trees that are allowed to continue living and growing. All the in-house decorations are fake, or are plants that will live past the season. Mom has this one poinsettia that she got when she and Dad were first married. She’s called in experts to help her keep it alive. That’s the sanctity of the living thing for you!

What is your favorite carol? All of them, but I have to admit a weakness for the carols built on a foundation of classical music. All those layers of sound and the way the music soars… reminds me a lot of ShapeShifter music. Except there’s not a lot of classical in our heavy metal. Influences, yes. But no violins and cellos. And the layers are only what the four of us can make ourselves.

What is your favorite Christmas dinner? In terms of food? Anything. Members of the congregation invite us over for dinner with them each year. You’d think that having to feed five kids and two adults would be a burden for some families, but having us over for dinner has gotten so popular, Dad has to hold a lottery every year. Families now have to buy tickets for the lottery, and the money goes to the South Riverview Food Bank, who uses the money for a fantastic Christmas dinner for the families they service. The winner gets to feed us. I suspect now that we kids have grown up and moved out, there are more people buying lottery tickets. No one wants to leave the minister and his wife home alone on Christmas.

Do you wear a Santa hat at Christmas? We like to wear them for a song or two onstage. Once, we did an on-air interview with them on.

Have you ever seen Santa delivering gifts? Of course not! No one sees Santa! However, we’ve all pretended to be Santa. In addition to our Musical Hanukkah Celebration last year, we gave out presents to kids who were in a local hospital over the holiday. It was a lot more fun than your average photo opportunity; the kids really lit up when they saw us.

*For anyone new around here, Eric is a member of the fictional band ShapeShifter. Click on the Cast of Characters tab to learn more.

Thirteen Reasons why Daniel‘s a Drummer 1. His grandmother bought him a drum set to make him feel better about the divorce and having to live with her. 2. The pots and pans called to him, but not to cook. 3. Val thinks it’s the sexiest instrument there is. 4. His sense of rhythm is impeccable. 5. He likes to beat on things. 6. Drumming beats fidgeting, which he does anyway when not playing. 7. You look cool when you casually twirl a stick through your fingers. 8. You look even cooler when you learn how to bounce a stick off the sidewalk and catch it without missing a step. 9. Sticks thrown into the crowd go further than guitar picks. 10. Drumming can be loud as hell or soft as a whisper 11. The variety of sticks, drums, and cymbals is just darn cool. 12. Girls throw themselves at you because they want to experience your rhythm. 13. All sorts of bands need good drummers. From marching bands and orchestras at school to jazz bands and oldies bands and the ultimate prize: rock bands. Drummers are always in demand.

Yeah, it’s been one of those busy weeks over here, so nothing too terribly exciting today. Be sure to check back during the rest of the week for more fun!

I love seeing all you guys stop in on Thursdays to visit. I do. Ask my family; they’ll tell you. But… some of you only stop in on Thursdays. Why is that? Don’t you know what fun you’re missing? Many of the links will show you, but if you’re still not convinced, here’s proof:

Thirteen Reasons to stop in during the week 1. Roadie Poet. He only appears for Rhian‘s Poetry Train. 2. Outtakes. If you think Thirteens are fun, you should see what happens when we throw some narration into the mix! 3. Awards. I get lots of them. I pass lots of them along. 4. Susan returns all visits. If you’re a regular, she may not comment each time you’re here. But if you’re not, dropping by to say hi is a good way to get a return visit. And we all know how stat counters like return visits! 5. Chelle LaFleur. She’ll appear whenever she’s got something to say; not even I know when that’ll be. 6. You get to meet groupies who are more die-hard than you are. Come on. Are you really going to let someone tell you they’re more die-hard than you are??? 7. Trevor and more Trevor. (the second link will take you to one of Trevor’s first appearances on the blog) 8. Guest appearances by the Tour Manager. 9. You won’t feel lost during events like Green Hair Week, the Soy Sauce Story, or Deadly Metal Hatchet because the back story happened during the week. 10. You’ll get to know all these crazy folk who inhabit my fictional world. Before you know it, you’ll be hooked and sporting a cool “I’m a West of Mars Groupie” graphic of your own. 11. I know neat people. Hang here and you can meet them, too. 12. Because of the inspiration you guys give me, my fictional world keeps growing. You want to be part of that. You know you do. 13. Did I mention that Trevor Wolff dude?

My friends Red and Thomma Lyn both handed me the Blogging Star Award recently. Here’s a picture; ain’t it purty?

The Blogging Star Award was created by Barb at Skittles’ Place. Of the Blogging Star Award, Barb says:

This award is for bloggers who shine their light throughout the Blogosphere. Some do it with humor, others with creativity, and others with their kind and thoughtful natures. We all know more than a few of them so why not give them some recognition?

Here’s what to do if you receive this:

* Proudly display it on your blog along with a link to who gave it to you.
* Mention that it originated here at Skittles’ Place so I can follow its journey.
* Pass it on to any blogger(s) you think should have it.

Well. Let’s see. Who makes me all warm and fuzzy when I see them in my reader? Well… Rhian is the obvious choice ’cause she’s been the … oh, I can’t say butt so maybe the willing victim of a Trevor prank is putting it a bit better. But Rhian’s more rebellious than I am, and she tends to follow directions worse than I do.

Maybe Lisa. You can call her the Nekkid Man woman ’cause that’s what her Thursday Thirteens are all about. And have you seen some of the wild things she digs up to share? Truly cool.

And definitely PJ at The Urban Recluse. She’s handed me plenty of awards, and has definitely earned this one. I miss Sunday Sauce, though!

Don’t forget Robin, the inspiration behind the ShapeShifter fan fiction that’s been cropping up around the blogosphere. She’s been on a total tear lately, writing really beautiful essays, each one better than the last.

So there you go. Some pretty darn deserving ladies, and not easy choices among all you guys. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it, except to say that like attracts like, and I’m damn proud to know (and read) all of you.

I’d also like to end this post by saying I’d drafted it a good two weeks ago and am just now having the proper time to post it so it gets noticed and its proper due. If any of you can please cancel the soap opera I’m currently starring in, I’d much appreciate it!

Tonight marks the beginning of Yom Kippur, one of the holiest days in the Jewish calendar. When I was little, I was taught that it was the holiest, but my current rabbi insists that the holiest is the weekly Shabbat. I suspect he’s right.

Tonight, Jews around the world will get up from dinner and begin a 24-hour fast (okay, most will) that will help set the day apart. It is a day filled with prayer and reflection, a day for thinking on our lives, what we did wrong, what we can do better. It is serious and somber, which is so different from the many joyous celebrations that Judaism is filled with — although it sounds as if it’s not nearly so somber in Israel.

It is said that at the end of Yom Kippur, when the ram’s horn shofar blows one final time, the Gates of Repentance will close. These metaphoric gates opened on Rosh Hashanah ten days earlier; this signalled the beginning of the period of reflection and, you guessed it, repentance.

However, Yom Kippur has come to have a different meaning for me. I was pregnant with #2 when my book club read Lilian Nattel’s brilliant The River Midnight, a book about a small village — shetl — in Poland. The story centered on the midwife; the life centered around the temple.

Thus, when the midwife went into labor as Yom Kippur began, the townspeople left the temple. Instead of listening to the sacred Kol Nidre song, they listened to the midwife’s cries of pain.

This doesn’t sound like something that should resonate with a person. Yet the scene as Nattel wrote it was absolutely stunning; it drove home the beauty of the shetl and the importance of community. It haunted me, who’s always been more than a bit of a loner.

Plus, as I said, I was pregnant when I read the book. Upon finishing it, I looked at a calendar. My due date was only a few days after Yom Kippur. What were the chances…? I mean, really?

The evening of Yom Kippur, when the Kol Nidre prayer is sung, came and went.

The next afternoon, when I picked up my son from day care, I realized that yep, the daily Braxton-Hicks contractions were back. Same time, every day; the Tour Manager and I had been laughing at how very regular they were. These were stronger, though. And when I got home and put my son down for a nap, I listened to that little voice inside. The one that knows these things.

I called the Tour Manager at work, just to be safe.

Just before five o’clock on that Yom Kippur afternoon, I called my parents. They were on their way out the door to attend the concluding services when they heard the phone ring. Knowing I was due in days, they answered.

My daughter was born at ten o’clock that night, well after the Gates of Repentance were closed.

Yet I still equate the holiday with my little girl. I probably always will; she is, in her own way, my own Yom Kippur baby.

One day, I’ll hand her my copy of The River Midnight and see if the connection strikes her as deeply as it struck me. But until then, as everyone in temple around me prays for forgiveness and redemption, I’ll be remembering the joy of a new beginning.

A note for those of you who noticed: I called the Kol Nidre both a prayer and a song. In kabbalistic beliefs, the Hebrew words for prayer and song have the same numeric value. Thus, prayer equals song, a belief I personally think is totally underutilized. Thankfully, my rabbi agrees and we are a congregation that sings. A lot.

We all know who runs the show around here: Trevor, Mitchell, Kerri, Daniel, and Eric (and sometimes Val). But like any success story, there’s a backstage supporting cast. Sometimes, you’ll see them. Other times, you won’t. Likewise, some of these people have earned spots on the Cast of Characters page at my website. And others of them haven’t. Yet.

For those of you who are new and those who’ve been here awhile and could use a refresher, I present you with:

Thirteen People Who Hang out in the Wings (picture by Jeff Myers via Roadie.net) 1. Amy London — Mitchell’s older sister, who calls him Pipsqueak and actually gets away with it. She is a doctor, lives in Riverview, and is married to a man Mitchell not-so-affectionately calls Derek the Dork. Note from Susan: the Pipsqueak link takes you to the end of a five-day arc. If you have the time, it’s worth starting at the beginning. 2. Graciella — The drag queen who saves Kerri from the evil clutches of the guy with the guitar in the train station. She becomes Kerri’s mentor, protector, and good friend. There is, of course, a kicker here: Graciella’s given name is George and she’s a he who looks and feels better in a dress. 3. Pam — A groupie who you’ll see here on the blog occasionally. She’s in love with Mitchell and basically uses Trevor to get to him. As if any of them care — well, Mitchell does once he meets Kerri. Note from Susan: Stay tuned. I haven’t posted that most important outtake yet!! I could have sworn I had! 4. Lyric — Another of my characters who shows up here on occasion. Lyric owns the adult toy store in town but isn’t the wild woman you’d expect from the daughter of a porn star. 5. Sonya and Patterson Voss — Mitchell’s parents. They also show up here from time to time. They are the rudders who keep the ShapeShifter ship afloat. 6. Boomer — the 6 to 10 DJ at KRVR, as well as the host of the station’s Local View radio station, which features up-and-coming Riverview bands, all of whom want to be the next ShapeShifter. 7. Deadly Metal Hatchet — A bar band with a gimmick to die for. Literally. 8. Bobby, Cookie, Creek, and Chuck — the techs for Mitchell, Trevor, Daniel, and Eric, respectively. These are the men who are responsible for making sure the individuals in the band always sound good, are always in tune, and always have the right guitars or intact drum heads. Being a tech’s not glamorous work, but it’s steady employment — when the band is active. 9. Roberta — the band’s wardrobe manager. Wardrobe managers are more important than you might think. 10. Tony, Gene, and Bubba, Butch, or whatever his name is — Part of the band’s security team. Tony is the head of the detail, and Mitchell’s personal bodyguard. Gene takes charge of Kerri’s safety, and provides general security for the band when she’s not around or not in need of him. And Bubba, Butch, or whatever his name is does his best to keep a watchful eye on Trevor. 11. Hank — Trevor’s father. 12. Mary — Kerri’s mother. As with Hank, the less said, the better. 13. Tiny Tim — the owner of independent radio station KRVR. He’s a player in Riverview, and he and Mitchell hate each other.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Check out what Dewey‘s up to now: A 24-hour readathon, in which the most die-hard readers will forgo basic things like showering.

Now, if you were all going to spend 24 hours reading my fiction, I’d … well, still think you’re nuts. That’s because my pillow and I are very good friends. It prefers me to be using it for sleep, not to prop up my persnickety back. And to be honest, nothing beats a good, restorative sleep. Except for maybe those really good dreams that you remember come morning. Or those hours of insomnia that are spent working out new scenes, characters, and/or outtakes.

The good news is that there’s room for the not-so-dedicated readers, too. And for cheerleaders. And for people like me, who can’t possibly have this much time on their hands to simply sit and read (but what a luxury that sounds like!). This challenge is completely customizable, so … join the fun and read away!

(before you ask, I’ll gladly lurk and leave comments on readers’ blogs — a few hours late, I’m sure. But hey, admit it. You’d rather see Trevor’s Song on the shelves than me spending an entire day reading.)

I’m stealing a page from Sparky Duck and running with some song lyrics today. Nope, not ShapeShifter lyrics (sorry, guys. But if you have lyric ideas, send ’em my way!), but a popular song I’ve been jamming to. Might even download and hand out to my spin teachers and stick on my MP3 player. Plus, it’s fitting right now; I’ve finished the first draft of the new end of Trevor’s Song.

Anyway, here you go.

Life is Beautiful:

You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Check out the way cool band site at Sixx:AM! And for more poetry and other fun things, Rhian’s Poetry Train‘s got room for you to ogle or jump on. Whichever your comfort level, come explore some really creative people.

Also, Sixx’s new book The Heroin Diaries will be published on Tuesday. Man, I can NOT wait to get my hands on that puppy. Think I can con someone into a free copy so I can review it for Front Street Reviews?

Life is Beautiful lyrics copyright 2007 by Sixx:AM. Used entirely without permission and hopefully without negative repercussions ’cause, hey, I’m not profiting here, just helping spread the word. Contact the webmaster at https://westofmars.com if you want to get all picky on my rear, and the Tour Manager will deal with it. I love the Tour Manager!

My bud Lisa Andel tagged me for the Five Nights Meme. She thinks I always have something interesting to say.

I don’t, but the boys in the band do. They seem a bit somber today, though, so this ought to live up to Lisa’s expectations.

Mitchell:
1. It was that first night I spent with Kerri. No, not the night I had her and Daniel and Eric over for burgers and she and I got so drunk, she spent the night in my bed and I passed out or something on the couch. And no, not the night two weeks later when we planned to have her crash at my place after the Regional Awards and she was my date. She was supposed to have the bed to herself, but she caught the Chill and when she was still cold after I put every blanket in my place on her and then threw my leather tour jacket on top of all that, there was only one way to warm her up: making her cuddle up to me. You’ll notice she hasn’t left me since.

But nope, those weren’t the two best nights with Kerri. The best was that night we hooked up at the grocery and talked our way through the store and then went to Victory’s and talked until we closed the place. Just sitting and talking to a girl. I’d never done that before.

2. Our first show. We’d worked our asses off to make sure we didn’t suck. And we didn’t. We rocked, as much as a brand-new band can rock. You’ve got to start somewhere.

Trevor:
3. I was sitting in jail and the cops are screaming at me about first-degree murder and all that shit and the next thing I know, Patterson‘s there and he’s saying no one got shot, let alone is dead and he’s got legal custody of me and there’s no reason to keep me in jail. That’s when I went to live with the Vosses. I didn’t find out what legal custody meant until I quit school, but somehow, Patterson got Hank and Jenny to write me off as their kid. I guess it should have hurt, but Patterson told me that if the band made it, they’d never have a legal way to come try to get their hands on any money I made.

Daniel:
4. Our first night as a headlining act. Holy shit, there was so much space between me and the guys, and it was actually hard to see even the front row of fans. I’d gotten so used to that smooshed little stage that as soon as I was put at the back of the full stage, like every other headlining drummer, I freaked. I missed being near everyone. I hated that Mitchell and I couldn’t talk as easily during the show.

Clearly, I sucked it up fast, but when we sit down to plan every tour, I ask Mitchell if we can find a way to move me up closer. He won’t even consider it.

Don’t let anyone tell you that Mitchell’s not a traditionalist.

Kerri:
5. It was the night Mom caught me with Vince. What’s the saying? In flagrant delecteco?

I don’t think I’ve ever been as mad as I was that night. But as soon as she put her hand on my arm and tried to pull me away from Vince, I knew what I’d be doing. And no matter how mad I was, underneath, there was this really calm, rational thinking going on. When I got back home, I knew exactly what I was going to pack and what I wanted Stevie, my brother, to ship to me once I had a place to live.

Just like that, I left town and moved to Riverview. I never looked back. I never regretted it.

It all started when Trevor brought a new addition to the ShapeShifter Wall of Fame last week. He brought up the idea of showing you public what the Wall looks like. The Wall was originally Mitchell‘s idea, so he thought he should get to show you around. But the tour was Trevor’s idea. While the two of them are busy arguing over who gets to share their stories, Eric‘s going to step up and fill the void. Thus… Thirteen items on the ShapeShifter Wall of Fame: 1. This was the bra that inspired the Wall of Fame. We were backstage, getting ready for our set and some girl walked in the room, took off this bra, and draped it over Mitchell’s head. He blushed. Trevor thanked the girl in his typical way and tried to steal the bra. I think he wanted to wear it. Mitchell grabbed it back and said it was going to go onto a new Wall of Fame. He kept that bra until we got home, and then he hung it on a wall in the practice space at Daniel’s house. Now, we have our Tour Manager ship them home for us. 2. We didn’t come by this one honestly, I’m afraid. We were in Vegas and Daniel dared Trevor to sneak into some showgirl’s dressing room and make off with part of her costume. Trevor can’t turn down a dare of this sort, but he didn’t sneak. He picked a girl who was so gorgeous, my eyes hurt to look at her. When Trevor came back out of the dressing room, he said she gave it to him. Given the look she gave him when she kissed him goodbye, I don’t doubt it. 3. I can’t say anything without upsetting Daniel, but I don’t believe this should be on the Wall of Fame. It’s apparently Val’s. 4. This bra belonged to a girl I dated for about a month. I met her in Seattle at a show and at first, she followed us in her own car. Three weeks later, she convinced a friend to drive the car home so she could stay on the bus with me. She only lasted on the bus with us for a week before she couldn’t take it. We didn’t stay in touch, but it wasn’t for lack of effort on my end. 5, 6, 7. These belonged to this set of triplets who got past security. We were very glad they did. 8. Ever notice how gorgeous a basic white bra looks against darker skin? The contrast is amazing. I’m not talking about a girl with a fake tan that rubs off onto the cotton, either. The next time you see that white bra against a deeply colored skin, stop and appreciate. 9. Those Texas girls… We love them. 10. We’ve known the girl behind this bra for years. She shows up whenever we’re in Minneapolis and the surrounding area, depending on how free her schedule is. Karina loves to travel, so we shouldn’t have been surprised when she caught up with us in Paris. The best thing about Karina: she’s always wearing this bra. Well, not this particular one. But this exact style. We’ve got like twenty of them laying around. Mitchell keeps asking us what would happen if we gave the other nineteen back. Trevor says once we start that game, it’ll never end. We’ll wind up passing the same bra back and forth between us. He’s probably right. 11. I always thought there was something virginal about this bra (and notice how the white stands out against that gorgeous skin of hers). And then I met the woman inside it. I was right. 12. Trevor has a thing for demi-bras, especially when the girls are overflowing them slightly. You want to see that boy drool? Show up in one of these. I picked this one as an example because I really like the color. 13. Trevor brought us this one just last week. Something about it being left behind when he was hanging with some cool folk who tell stories in 100 words or less and the owner maybe asking Susan for it back, but we were all supposed to play dumb and … oh, shoot. Susan’s going to read this, isn’t she? Umm. Well, then. Let me tell you the real story behind it. It’s been here for years and we have no idea who Rhian is. Really.

And a HUGE L’shanah Tova to my fellow Jewish friends. May we all be inscribed for a wonderful new year, Jew and non-Jew alike. May our blogs continue to be places where our differences are celebrated and our likenesses treasured.

My friend Lisa writes a lot about alpha males. And my friend Robin wrote a quickie for Ellora’s Cave about a very dominant man. So much so that when his woman would make a comment he didn’t like, he’d snap into their games and bring her behavior into line.

For a few weeks after I read and loved Robin’s quickie, I kept thinking about the way her male lead dominates the narrator. It’s constant. It bothers me; in my brain, it borders on abuse. It’s so foreign to anything I’ve ever experienced.

Or so I thought.

I’m a mom; most of you know that. While I refuse to be one of those moms who runs her kids from activity to activity with nary a second of free play, the kids do have their things. One of them is the place in which I met Alpha.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I refuse to say a single bad thing about Alpha. I like Alpha, and I was looking forward to getting to know him. On the surface, he’s a quiet, reserved guy, but underneath, he’s got his mischevious streak — evidenced on the day he nailed the Tour Manager with a water balloon — yeah. There. I’m not sure which of the two of us laughed harder, me or Alpha. Definitely not my poor Tour Manager.

Many of you know that I took five days at the end of July and headed off to Cub Scout Camp. It rained four of the five nights, including one really evil thunderstorm that had some of the pack parents convinced that lightning had struck the flagpole outside their tents. It was a hell of an experience for me and my son; we both came back changed.

I knew that camp had had a profound impact on me when Alpha made a rule for the upcoming year’s activities. Some of the parents protested this new rule because it would exclude them from activities, and that upset me. I’d gotten to know these particular parents over the past year. I like them. My son likes their kids. There’s no reason to exclude anyone, especially from a group that you join to be included in.

I might not have spoken up before camp; this rule didn’t affect me in the least. I was quite happy to live by it. Except that it meant that people I like couldn’t be there, and that bugged me.

Well, this is where I underestimated how alpha this man is. Not only did he get upset that we discussed the issue over e-mail instead of calling him, after a few days worth of phone calls and e-mails among his higher-ups, him, us, and the affected families, the dust settled. We “troublemakers” were thrown out of the group and would be founding a parallel one.

Which is fine; I’m looking forward to that. What hurt was when Alpha told the Tour Manager, who has a rare skill for diplomacy in the sticky situations his wife drags him into, even willingly, that Alpha wished we hadn’t spoken up in support of changing this rule. He liked us, loves our kid, sees a lot of potential in my child but because we’d spoken up in support of our fellow families, we were excommunicated. Just for speaking up.

It reminds me of something you’d see on Wild Kingdom. Except we weren’t trying to challenge Alpha’s leadership. We weren’t trying to change the way the group is run. We just wanted to see others have the same chances we were going to have. After all, why be part of something if you’re going to turn around and realize you’re not welcome there?

There is a part of Judaism that calls on us Jews to perform acts of Tikkun Olam — to heal the world. The Tour Manager and I stood up for what we believed was an injustice. We agonized for days over what to do about this situation; what was best for our son?

In the end, with the declaration of the parallel group, it seems to have worked out. That doesn’t mean that from start to finish, people weren’t hurt. Meeting the families involved in the original group will be awkward at best. I wouldn’t be surprised if some encounters are hostile.

Yet I wonder. Did we do more harm than good by speaking up? I suppose that it’s better that this happened now, rather than later, when we were more emotionally involved with the group and Alpha as our leader. And there’s that quote by Dr. Martin Luther King about why we need to stand up when we see an injustice — and this was clearly that.

But still. How can the world heal when the attempt to do so brings so much pain for so many involved? Didn’t we make things worse in our attempt to make them better? And how do you judge that sort of thing, anyway?

I wrestled with this until last night. We took the kids to Temple for Friday night services. And as I was flipping through the prayerbook as we sang — and sang! Oh, it was wonderful — my eye caught one of those little boxes with a meditation inside. I was going to borrow the prayer book so I could repeat it here, but it said something to the effect of: In order to make something new, you have to tear down the old and sew the pieces into something new. That pain is part of the process.

I suspect I’ll always be sad about the way things unfolded. I don’t like ugly endings, and this is probably one of them. But on the other hand, I got a look into what the Tour Manager calls a true Alpha male, someone who will not be challenged by anyone. Ever.

Maybe one day, an Alpha of this type will show up in my fiction. Or maybe, this is just one of those things that I’ll simply chalk up to experience and count it among my acts of Tikkun Olam.

Originally, Trevor’s Song was supposed to be the follow-up book to the story of Mitchell, Kerri, and Kerri’s mother. It was supposed to tell the story of ShapeShifter’s dead bass player. The hows, the whys … all that fun stuff.

But then I woke up one day and realized that Trevor’s Song is really the better story. That I’m still floundering with the story of Kerri’s mother; it’s not right. Yet. So shopping commenced and by last May — yeah, a few short months ago — I realized that the problem I’m having with selling Trevor’s Song isn’t the writing or the story or anything of the sort. It’s that it’s hard to sell a book about a rock star. It’s hard to sell a book about a dude with cancer.

Put them together and it ain’t like what you get when chocolate and peanut butter taste great together.

At about this time, some of you devoted groupies started to really fall hard for Trevor Wolff. You guys love the man.

And I began to feel guilty. Because, after all, I know how the book ends. It ain’t pretty. And you guys won’t like it. The more Rhian fights the whole world for her shot at Trevor, the worse I’ve been feeling.

Thunder and lightning have been themes for me this summer, and today, lightning struck in the form of Lisa Andel, who is probably floored by the ease with which I took what was a very bold, critical statement and found paydirt. All those years of writers’ workshops in undergrad and MFA programs do pay off in the long run, boys and girls. They teach you how to stare down an ugly truth and turn it into something beautiful.

So… the post I had edited for later today will have to wait a few while you digest this news and try to figure out what I’m up to. Booking Through Thursday, which I was going to have a lot of fun with this week, will have to wait for another day and another topic.

Right now, I’ve got a book to revise. And an ending that’ll make Rhian just that much happier.

Maybe.

I mean, there’s still this girl named Heather for her to consider…

Over the past few weeks, we’ve talked quite a bit about groupies. We started with stereotypes, moved on to the truth, and then spent last week celebrating ShapeShifter and you guys who’ve become my groupies (or are about to).

This week, to end the unit of study, I thought I’d bring you the notes of famed journalist Kermit Ladd, who continues to try to sit down and control an interview with the members of ShapeShifter. Being a smart sort, Kermit sat down with frontman/rhythm guitarist Mitchell Voss, but before long, the party was crashed, and this is what ensued:

Thirteen Things about Groupies Thirteen things about Groupies 1. Mitchell: The thing about groupies, what makes them so good, is that they love us. Trevor: It’s all about the love. Mitchell: No, no. Really. These women love us. To the point that they’d marry us if they could. Trevor (sniffs): Like I’m getting married? Ever? 2. Mitchell: Hold on a second. You see, when someone loves you, all they want to do is please you. Trevor: And please us they do. (He folds his arms over his chest and nods once. Firmly.) 3. Mitchell: For them, it’s all about giving pleasure. All we need to do is sit back and take it. 4. Trevor: You greedy, lying bastard. You get off on showering these girls with attention just as much as I do. Watching them start to drool ’cause you’re looking at them and then they hold their breaths, hoping you’re about to give ’em that invite they want so bad… (He takes a deep breath through his nose, his eyes closed in satisfaction.) Yeah, that’s the best. 5. Mitchell: Here’s the thing with groupies. We do make fun of them when they can’t hear, but you’re not a real band until you’ve got ’em. We know that. We love them for it. Trevor: We make fun of them when they’re not around? (Mitchell cuffs the back of Trevor’s head.) 6. Mitchell: They’re important people in the world of a band. The smart (he gives Trevor a sidelong glance) guys know this. The groupies who are cool or extra-special, if you know what I mean, those are the girls we’ll tell the crew to keep an eye out for. Trevor: Sort of like that Lana chick. The whole crew knows Lana. They watch out for her. Help her past venue security, give her passes without the usual payment, make sure she gets fed. Mitchell: I heard Cookie once slipped food out of the crew’s catering for her. Trevor: Wouldn’t surprise me. Cookie knows who he works for. Mitchell: The band? Trevor: Me, you dumbfuck. 7. Mitchell: These groupies, the devoted ones, they’ll say they work for us. That they’re as essential to us as people like Cookie are. Trevor: They’re wrong. They’re in it for themselves. To get close to us. Cookie’s around to be my bass tech. Mitchell: Might want to tell him that. I know he likes your rejects. 8. Trevor: How’d we get on to this? We started off saying that these girls are all about pleasing us. Mitchell: They are. Trevor: But now you’re saying they’re all about getting close to us. Mitchell: Nope. You said that. Not me. Trevor: Same fucking thing. (Mitchell gives him a confused look) 9. Trevor: Are we done with the groupies yet? I’m bored. Mitchell: Nope. We have four more points to make. Trevor: Why not get Adam and his camera in here and let him do a picture thing? Mitchell: Because this guy’s here to talk to us. Talk, Trev. Not look at pictures. Trevor: Pictures are more interesting. I’m done talking. (Trevor wanders off) 10. Mitchell: So I guess we’re back to just me, huh? Shit. Maybe Trevor’s right and we have said it all. 11. Mitchell: Nope, never taken pictures of the girls I’ve been with just so I can remember them later. That’s probably a good thing. Now that I’m married, I’d have to burn them all. 12. Mitchell: Nope, not going to write some tell-all book and spill it all. What happened back in my single days needs to stay there, and not just because Kerri doesn’t want to hear it. 13. Mitchell: Yes, girls do still grab my dick and slip me some tongue and do everything else they can think of to get me to take them over my wife. Not a single one of them’s gotten anything but an escort out of the room, though. I don’t care how great they are, Kerri’s better. I guess that means my groupie days are done.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve been talking about ShapeShifter groupies. I’ve forgotten one of the most important varieties of groupies, however.

MINE.

The time seems right to proudly unveil my new graphic for you. If you’d like to display it on your own blog or website, I’d be honored. (just … please don’t hotlink!) And yes, at some unidentified point in the future, look for me to start giving away prizes to anyone with the graphic on their blog.

[ The graphic is available in both JPG and GIF formats, with either white or orange text – The Tour Manager ]

And now, on to business:

Thirteen ways to tell you’re a true West of Mars Groupie 1. You check the blog repeatedly throughout the day for updates, even though you get the feed. 2. You call radio stations and ask them to play ShapeShifter’s Still Life or Behold Me. 3. You try to book your vacation to Riverview, USA. 4. You bug Susan for West of Mars and ShapeShifter merchandise, and then you buy lots of it once she coughs it up. 5. You have dreams in which you get to meet Mitchell Voss or Trevor Wolff. 6. You want to go to Riverview Art Academy, like Kerri did. 7. To prove you’re worthy of Riverview Art Academy, you submit art to Susan (who will post any fan art on her website and talk to you about using some for t-shirts if she likes your stuff!) 8. You ask your local guitar shop to outfit you with the same gear that ShapeShifter uses. 9. You spend hours Googling in search of ShapeShifter tabs. 10. You write fan fiction, which Susan gladly posts on her website. 11. You make all your friends stop by ’cause this is something they just can’t miss out on. 12. You e-mail Susan and offer suggestions for outtakes. 13. You e-mail Susan and suggest real things that she ought to check out and incorporate into the fictional world of Riverview USA.

There you go! Do you resemble any of these? I suspect a few (or more) of you do… Your devotion to Trevor and company, along with your unflagging support have been a source of determination and strength whenever I get down about not having a book to give you yet. Keep on making this noise and I’ll either give in and self-publish or we’ll find a brave agent and publisher yet. Either way, it’ll get a book in your hands, and that’s what our ultimate goal is.

Once again, thanks to all you groupies. You guys rock.