Fiction Outtake: Anonymous (Deadly Metal Hatchet)


I’ll post links to past Deadly Metal Hatchet pieces, as this may be a bit of a jolt for those of you used to Trevor and his antics. The Hatchet is a young, up-and-coming band made up of four guys: Fozzy, Lido, Gecko, and Scott. They have a gimmick: the Deadly Metal Hatchet they are named after.

At any rate, as Halloween approaches, many of us are turning our thoughts to scary things. Here’s one for you, and I’m not talking about what the Hatchet gets up to.

Days like this were too nice to be inside. And it wasn’t like they could smoke inside anyway; those new rules about smoking were made by assholes in suits. Scott wished Fozzy could turn the Hatchet loose on them and the other upright and moral folk who’d decided that smoking was evil. Man, the world would have a few hundred million less assholes if he could.

The four of them were sitting on the curb outside the club, laminates on, blending in. Everyone else who milled around wore cargo shorts and black t-shirts, too. They were just four more guys sitting there, catching a smoke, not talking, soaking in the day and the nicotine rush.

“So what’re we gonna play tonight?” Gecko asked.

Fozzy shook his head. “Too early to do setlist.”

“Why are we wasting time with this talk again?” Scott asked. He sat back and adjusted his shorts. “We do the same fricken set for every same fricken show. Why don’t we just own up to that already and quit with the stupid setlist discussions?”

Fozzy screwed his face up. “It’s not like we have more than twelve songs in the first place.”

“…and time to play ten of ’em. Why don’t we ever play those last two?” Gecko asked. He ground out his cigarette on the curb beside him.

As he reached for the can of Coke he’d brought outside with him, two long-haired guys approached. They wore the code: black t-shirts, dirty flannel shirts thrown over top, cargo shorts, workboots left unlaced. “Hey, man, know where we can find Deadly Metal Hatchet?”

Gecko and Fozzy exchanged uneasy looks. Lido cleared his throat.

“Yeah,” the other guy said. “We want to hang with the Hatchet. We figure that when they make it big, we’ll be able to tell everyone we knew ’em when.”

Scott adjusted his shorts again; maybe it was time to find a laundromat already. “Got any clue who you’re looking for?”

The first guy, the one in the dingy red flannel, shifted his weight. “Deadly Metal Hatchet.”

“Yeah, we know,” Scott said. “But do you know what they look like?”

Red Flannel shifted his weight again. “Don’t they wear shirts with the Hatchet on ’em?”

Gecko smothered a laugh with his fist. Fozzy looked around. No one, band nor crew, was wearing anything with the Hatchet on it. Except their laminates, but then again, every person involved with the tour wore one of those.

“So,” the guy in the brown flannel said, “know where we can find ’em?”

“How can you be fans if you don’t know what they look like?” Scott asked.

The kid in red shrugged. “We’re not fans. Not really.”

“We think they suck,” the kid in brown said. “But one day, they’ll get big and we’ll be able to say we hung with them.”

Scott covered his face with his hand. Fozzy stood up; Lido jumped to his feet and the two went inside.

“Should we?” Gecko asked. “I mean, the band may not like it.”

“Fuck the band,” Scott said, wondering what the fricken hell he was saying. “They don’t need losers like you two.”

He and Gecko walked inside, shaking their heads.

“You join a fricken band to get noticed,” Scott said in the safety of the
band’s dressing room. “Not to get told you suck.”

“At least they think we’ll be someone,” Lido said.

“Dude, we already are,” Fozzy said. He ripped a sign off the wall and started drawing.

In short time, the Hatchet had gone to work on two guys in flannel: one red, one brown.

The members of Deadly Metal Hatchet cheered.

Some past links with the Hatchet:
Thirteen Hatchet Victims
Chelle and the Hatchet



  1. bunnygirl

    October 21, 2007 11:12 am

    For some reason I love that name– Deadly Metal Hatchet! I bet their t-shirts would look really cool.BR/BR/So are you going to do a novel about them in their own right? I’ve been pleasantly surprised at what can happen when I follow some minor characters from one story into their own story. And just think how awesome the cover for a book about DMH would look! 🙂

  2. Susan Helene Gottfried

    October 21, 2007 1:06 pm

    I’m not sure about the novel — yet. I don’t know the band well enough — yet — to answer that one way or another. All I can say at this point is that I think it’s fun having this little band in contrast to ShapeShifter’s hugeness.BR/BR/As for artwork… I’d love to find an up-and-coming artist who could do logos for ShapeShifter and DMH — and t-shirt designs, book covers, what have you. It’d be fun as HELL and could really make an artist’s career. BR/BR/Know of any?

  3. Thomma Lyn

    October 21, 2007 2:32 pm

    I, too, love the contrast of Deadly Metal Hatchet to ShapeShifter — the Deadly Metal Hatchet guys struggle with a small pool of talent in pursuit of their big dream — fame and attention — and ShapeShifter, blessed with a wealth of talent, has already realized that big dream, but they want to keep earning it through their genuine love of music (though the money, fame, and groupies sure don’t hurt, either! 😉 ).

  4. Susan Helene Gottfried

    October 21, 2007 2:45 pm

    Thomma Lyn, you’ll note, too, that DMH doesn’t have female groupies yet. Just two guys in dirty flannel, who are iffy at best.

  5. Dewey

    October 21, 2007 2:48 pm

    I think what I like best in this is the detail of the sort of people who just want to meet someone who might someday be famous, without any real interest in or respect for what they do. There are so many people like that, and I’ll never be able to understand them. But of course bands are probably plagued with people like that.

  6. Wylie Kinson

    October 21, 2007 4:11 pm

    SHG – I’ve read all the comments and can’t seem to come up with anything new to say! BR/Well, except, COOL.BR/I like these new guys.

  7. Rhian

    October 21, 2007 7:16 pm

    yes! okay! alright! i’m doing your logos! GAWD! The pressure!BR/You know of course i’ll do anything for you Sus – just let me get thru the move to the new offices, ‘kay?BR/BR/ps – the illustrating pen is always mightier than the hatchet – i know this having slashed some poor souls with a vengence in the past. Weird how they ALL persist in keep the drawings forever. Probably waiting for me to die so they can sell ’em on Ebay.

  8. Amy Ruttan

    October 21, 2007 8:33 pm

    New guys rock! I love DMH, ya that’s what I’m gonna call them … just like all cool bands that get their name shortformed. JLO, NKOTB etc., you see my point. LOL!

  9. Ann

    October 21, 2007 10:02 pm

    Go DMH!! Cool outtake, interesting contrast between the two bands. Very cool. 🙂

  10. Missy

    October 21, 2007 11:35 pm

    An apt description of the shallowness of some folks. Great job Susan!

  11. Anna J. Evans

    October 22, 2007 8:48 am

    I loved it Sus. I always really enjoy your dudes. And DMH is the coolest name. My girlfriends in college and I had a fictional band called Big Ass Leaf, lol. Love three named bands.BR/BR/Anna J. Evans

  12. Red Garnier

    October 22, 2007 9:26 am

    Susan I always love your excerpts and characters. They seem so real to me and I love their little quirks, LOL! =)

  13. Lisa Andel

    October 22, 2007 10:25 am

    I love the name too.BR/Not awake enough to form any original thoughts yet though.

  14. Bob-kat

    October 22, 2007 10:34 am

    I loved this. The contrast between this band and SS is great. I loved that they’re only ‘fans’ are not really fans at all. Speaks volumes about how fickle the business can be, and people in general.

  15. Nancy

    October 22, 2007 10:34 am

    I bet these guys come and talk to you at night. I like ’em. Can’t wait to read more. And, I like Amy’s idea of DMH.

  16. gautami tripathy

    October 22, 2007 10:54 am

    First, I like the cool names. And it should develop into a novel. It has everything going for it.

  17. FRIGGA

    October 22, 2007 11:04 am

    So wait, does Trevor know you’re cheating on him? Hehe, I liked it 😛

  18. Joy Renee

    October 22, 2007 8:32 pm

    got goosebumps?BR/this shivers my liver

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