Pam Fiction: Meet Pam


Shit, shit, shit.

Molly and I are supposed to go hang out at Decade tonight. ShapeShifter’s playing, and I’ve got to make them notice me already. Mitchell’s so hot. I’d look so good with him. We can be in the papers together. Pam and Mitchell. Riverview’s power couple.

Pam Derbish. The only woman on the planet with abs better than Mitchell’s. And do I know how to use them, too.

But no… won’t be happening tonight. Can’t be happening tonight. I’ve got to call Molly and tell her I’m not going anywhere near Decade tonight. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Pam and Daniel… he’d throw over that bitch for me, I know it. I’d get a spiral perm so we’d have matching curls. Maybe even let my natural color grow out so I don’t look too blonde next to him, his hair’s so dark.

I’m not even going to leave the house. Maybe I’ll even cancel classes tomorrow, too. Or however long it takes for this to clear up and go away. And then I can get back to work.

I’ve got to make that band notice me already. I’ve got to be part of their inner world. I need to be important to them, just like they’re important to me. It needs to be a shared thing. They need to know.

I can picture me and Eric. I’d buy dresses that hit my knees so I could go to his dad’s church with him. I could wear those little pillbox hats like Jackie O, and I’d have to get certified in a few more dance-like classes and do less weights. You don’t want to look too cut when you’re with a minister’s son, but you do need to look good. You’ve got the eyes of the congregation on you. Even more than the other ShapeShifter fans, the congregation’s got to be won over.

I’m not going to be able to do it looking like this, that’s for sure. And I’m sure as hell not leaving the house. I hope Molly doesn’t hate me for life. I deserve it if she does.

This is what happens when you exercise; it’s the one thing that no one warns you about. Oh, you can have abs to die for, Pam. No problem there. A gorgeous ass, sculpted arms. Just… forget about having clear skin on your back. Forget about having beautiful, flawless skin on the one night you know you’ll be able to get close enough to ShapeShifter to get them to notice you.

To make matters worse, the problem’s right by my mouth. It looks like a cold sore, except it’s already formed a bit of a white head. And besides, I don’t get cold sores. I know it may not seem like it, the way I go on about ShapeShifter, but I am careful about who I sleep with. I do, after all, have standards. Especially about something like sex.

I was hoping that tonight, I’d be showing those standards to one of the ShapeShifter boys. The night’s perfect. I don’t have a class tomorrow. No roommates around tonight. And brand new candles.

And this zit.

Shit shit shit.

Tonight was perfect. ShapeShifter’s getting hard to get near. They’re popular now. They’re putting out another album, and rumor has it that they’ll be touring in a real bus this time, too. People outside of Riverview are starting to hear about them. Lots of people.

I need to make my move soon, if I’m going to be able to do it at all.

Maybe I’ll get my period tonight. That would be the only way I’ll ever forgive this zit. Especially if Molly calls me in the morning and says that the band noticed her instead of me.



  1. Amy Ruttan

    March 2, 2007 8:51 pm

    Had me chuckling about the zit and period. You’ve got a great voice! Really enjoyed the excerpt, hey and thanks for sticking up with me on love of Prince’s and guitar playing in general. 🙂

  2. Breeni

    March 2, 2007 11:53 pm

    Pam frightens me! I think she could kick my ass.

  3. cheesygiraffe

    March 3, 2007 1:15 am

    I hear you Pam! I wouldn’t have gone out with a zit when I was younger either. Who wants to go out with a zit around Shapeshifter? BR/BR/Great outtake Susan! 😀

  4. Deana

    March 3, 2007 9:27 am

    I hate zits, I have 2 hormonal ones right now and it is supposed to be a big night out for me and my husband tonight….I don’t even want to go like this!

  5. Susan Helene Gottfried

    March 3, 2007 9:29 am

    Hugs, Deana! I wish I could come fix it for you!!!

  6. PI

    March 3, 2007 4:48 pm

    Don’t want to sound smug but at my age you don’t get them. There are other things you don’t get also but take the rough with the smooth I always say!BR/BTW Michele sent me!

  7. karen!

    March 3, 2007 6:14 pm

    Great outtake… love how we’re really getting inside Pam.

  8. Sparky Duck

    March 5, 2007 9:37 pm

    *chants* Steroids, Steroids, Steroids

  9. Alice Audrey

    November 13, 2011 2:17 pm

    Oh, no, felled by a zit. *shaking head sadly*

    You know, you can Serialist this too.

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