Thursday Thirteen — The Music Store

Thirteen snappy comebacks (read on)

Leah Braemel had this story to tell, and it’s so perfect, I had to share it.

In case you’re too lazy to click the link (shame on you!), in a nutshell, the story goes like this: two guys shopping early morning in a guitar store. No one’s around except this long-haired heathen, playing a guitar hooked up to a monstrous amp. An amp that’s been turned to 11, at least. Maybe 14. In a guitar shop, not a concert hall.

For about half an hour, the shoppers do their best to shop, but Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar won’t let up. He’s got a full-on jam going.

But then, when he stops, one of Leah’s guys yells, “Hey! Shut the fuck up!”

Oops. Turns out that Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar is a Mega Big Rock Star. You Ozzy fans might have heard of him and no, I’m not talking about Randy Rhoads. Think more current. Think who’s playing with him currently.

Now, we have no way of knowing what the real Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar said or did, or if this is a story he even retells — if he’s cool, he does, complete with a chuckle at the chowderheads who didn’t recognize him and a second chuckle at himself for not convincing the guys to buy the new guitar he was there to promote.

And since I’ve already taken great liberties with the retelling of this story, I think I’ll take a few more.

What if Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar (isn’t that a fine British name, sort of like Stratford-on-Avon?) had been ShapeShifter’s Mitchell Voss? Or ShapeShifter’s lead guitarist, Eric Wallace? Or even our favorite bad boy, Trevor Wolff (who’d never do this sort of thing because it involves playing in public without Mitchell covering his sorry musicianship, but he’d open his mouth and defend his best friend — in typical Trevor style.), and don’t forget our drummer, Daniel Sydor, too.

Here’s what they might have said:
1. Eric: Hey, come check out my new guitar. I’ll let you play it.

2. Eric: Oops. Sorry I’m so loud. Here, have some guitar picks.

3. Eric: Got anything you want me to autograph?

4. Mitchell: No.

5. Trevor: If you don’t like the sound of a guitar, go home.

6. Trevor: Who the fuck died and made you the music police?

7. Mitchell: Why?

8. Daniel: Hey, I’m just the drummer. Don’t look at me.

9. Trevor: I can tell them to make it louder.

10. Mitchell: Next you’ll ask me to play fucking Freebird.

11. Trevor: Are you some Bettina Beverly* fan?

12. Mitchell: What? I can’t hear you!

13. Trevor: We were here first. First come, first served doesn’t only apply to me and my girls, you know.

* Bettina Beverly? Think Celine Dion, only Riverview style.

And now that you’ve had fun with me and the band, go thank Leah for inspiring me so nicely this week, okay? I know she’d appreciate meeting you.

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  1. spyscribbler

    June 11, 2008 7:46 pm

    That’s like the time Joshua Bell (most famous classical violinist) played in a DC subway.BR/BR/Btw, I LOVE the picture!

  2. On a limb with Claudia

    June 11, 2008 8:30 pm

    Wow – that is inspired! I admire the way you can take an incident and make it your own – very very cool! Have you thought of doing a serial for a Rocker magazine?BR/BR/Happy TT

  3. Susan Helene Gottfried

    June 11, 2008 8:31 pm

    Claudia, that’s such an inspired idea that if you help me land that sort of gig, I’ll give you part of my pay. And not the envelope the check comes in, either.

  4. On a limb with Claudia

    June 11, 2008 8:39 pm

    You are very sweet. Let’s look together, Ok. We could even do a blog serial. Just think about what it might look like and the opportunity should appear. BR/BR/Have you read “Tales of the City?” Both Tales and Sex in the city started as newspaper serials. :)BR/BR/Money is nice, love is better. I’ll be in touch.

  5. Amy Ruttan

    June 11, 2008 9:54 pm

    Trevor, hiding in shame that I didn’t add Shapeshifter.BR/BR/But I couldn’t find a picture of you.BR/BR/*ahem* LOL

  6. SandyCarlson

    June 11, 2008 10:00 pm

    Around here a lot of old-time rockers pass through the concert halls and summertime concerts-on-the-green. The young ones don’t always know who they are or what they’ve accomplished and don’t show much respect. It’s always a strange and bittersweet experience. How short is memory.BR/BR/I’m off on a tangent.Maybe. Your weekly TTs invite me to think like the young, and that is very often a challenge. Thank you!

  7. Di

    June 11, 2008 10:21 pm

    This is why I don’t go shopping!

  8. Lori

    June 11, 2008 10:25 pm

    Awwwwwwww yes, Freebird. The song that never seems to end. Happy TT my friend and thanks for stopping by:)

  9. Angie Wenke

    June 11, 2008 10:25 pm

    Wow that was great thanks for sharing!BR/AngieBR/BR/

  10. bunnygirl

    June 11, 2008 10:38 pm

    Thanks for the fun dialogue!

  11. Nicole Austin

    June 11, 2008 10:52 pm

    I can sooo see that happening…to me. LOL! Happy TT!

  12. Brenda ND

    June 11, 2008 10:57 pm

    I love hearing your characters talk. Happy TT!

  13. shaunesay

    June 11, 2008 11:08 pm

    LOL at Eric and Daniel! I should have been a drummer, I really should have. *G*

  14. storyteller

    June 11, 2008 11:27 pm

    Seems like Daniel’s dodging the bullet here. I never cease to be amazed at how engaged your ‘friends’ are when I drop by. You have some imagination girl!BR/Hugs and blessings,

  15. pussreboots

    June 11, 2008 11:38 pm

    Funny list. Happy TT.

  16. Ann

    June 11, 2008 11:39 pm

    Grat post, I posted a comment on Leah’s blog that I’d heard a similar story involving the string section of the LSO.BR/P.S. I got my USB cable for my camera and have posted pictures from the Biltmore for my TT.

  17. Julia

    June 12, 2008 4:35 am

    *chuckle* – Trevor is just being Trevor make me laugh all the times LOL ! But I always enjoy seeing what your characters up to ;)BR/BR/What a great inspiration your friend Leah given you! Happy TTs, I hope you have a good Thursday!

  18. Leah Braemel

    June 12, 2008 6:41 am

    OMG I’m literally LMAO! Especially for #6 – that’s EXACTLY what Guitar Hero (the chowderhead – I am SO using that term on him today) would say. And my youngest loves Freebird – asked me to download it for him the other day. So I can SO see #10 being a reaction too!

  19. Leah Braemel

    June 12, 2008 6:42 am

    Oh, and I forgot to mention – love the ‘amp that’s been turned to 11’ – I wonder how many people will get that reference?

  20. Chris

    June 12, 2008 7:10 am

    I tell you this is not a situation we would have where I live…the time I see a big rock star in my town is the time I keel over from amazement! Great TT.BR/BR/Thanks for visiting my TT – Come back again soon!

  21. Sue

    June 12, 2008 7:18 am

    This was a fun post Susan! Happy TT 🙂 BR/BR/A HREF=”″ REL=”nofollow”My TT is here/ABR/BR/Thanks so much for stopping by!

  22. Leah Braemel

    June 12, 2008 8:03 am

    I was just showing Guitar Hero your blog – he says #12 is actually what Heather-on-Guitar actually said!

  23. Michelle

    June 12, 2008 8:22 am

    Wow, What a fantastic story. I guess you never know who you really are talking too. Great TT. Thanks for stopping by mine.

  24. Darla

    June 12, 2008 8:53 am

    Oh, those fit the characters so well!! I absolutely loved Mitchell Trevor’s comments–especially Mitchell’s “no.” And Eric’s just such a Nice Guy. 🙂

  25. Ivette

    June 12, 2008 9:57 am

    Happy T13! Interesting, very interesting. Hope to see you at my 5th edition about A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”Katie MacAlister/A at A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”Talk About My Favorite Authors/A blog.

  26. LA Day

    June 12, 2008 10:22 am

    Great TT! BR/I wasn’t too lazy I clicked on the link.

  27. Joy Renee

    June 12, 2008 11:11 am

    #12 just cracked me up. I imagine he screamed it like a deaf man.

  28. Toni

    June 12, 2008 12:09 pm

    Great story! And I did go check out Leah’s version (really to find out who the person was) I do own an Ozzy CD and love it but as far as being a hard rocker, I don’t really fall into that category. However, I can still listen and a lot of the time enjoy!BR/BR/Good list, I think my fave responses were no and why!

  29. Bob-kat

    June 12, 2008 12:27 pm

    Wow – turned up to #14 is like 4 louder!!! That’s freakin’ loud! :)BR/BR/I can so imagine Trevor saying #6. It’s so him!

  30. Lesley

    June 12, 2008 1:43 pm

    I totally wouldn’t have had the slightest idea who it was either. Even bands I absolutely adore I wouldn’t recognize cause I just listen to the music and almost never look at pictures of them or anything. hehe Granted I probably wouldn’t have shouted that either…just made lots of snarky comments to my friends. LOL

  31. Celticlibrarian

    June 12, 2008 2:32 pm

    I’m loving #12. tee hee. I’ll bet that those folks are now infamous in that music store, eh?BR/BR/Happy TT!

  32. Melanie

    June 12, 2008 3:28 pm

    What a fun idea for TT!BR/BR/A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”Our Happy Happenings/ABR/A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”Livin’ With Me/A

  33. Kota

    June 12, 2008 5:57 pm

    I haz blog party going on Suse if you have time to pop by.

  34. Alice Audrey

    June 12, 2008 6:26 pm

    LOL on 12!!BR/BR/I should have linked to your contest, darn it!

  35. Shelley Munro

    June 12, 2008 9:16 pm

    Gotta love Mitchell’s replies. 🙂

  36. Wylie Kinson

    June 12, 2008 9:37 pm

    Ah Mitchell… so few words, so much meaning 🙂

  37. Julia Smith

    June 12, 2008 10:18 pm

    Mitchell’s ‘No’, ‘Why?’ and ‘What? I can’t hear you!’ – I’d type in ‘LOL’ but he’d probably give The Look. And I don’t want him to give me that look.

  38. Janet

    June 12, 2008 11:59 pm

    You know…I think I like Mitchell the best!!!

  39. Susan Helene Gottfried

    June 13, 2008 7:32 am

    A lot of people are starting to, Janet. I think we’ll have to change that!

  40. Winter

    June 13, 2008 9:55 am

    I like NO. Succinct. Very Mitchell. That’s good enough for me.

  41. auria cortes

    June 13, 2008 11:00 am

    Great post. Made me laugh. I play the guitar and if you heard me play you would tell me to Shut the Fuck Up. I’m still learning.

  42. Thomma Lyn

    June 13, 2008 11:40 pm

    Oh man, what a story about Mr. Guitar Hero, and what a fun T13 — I always love listening in on your characters! 🙂

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