Susan Speaks: Careful what you ask for.


Recipe for Susan’s now-famous Dark Chocolate Brownies
(in easy-to-follow steps)

1. Go to bank.

2. Ask for three five-dollar bills. They must be brand new. The serial numbers must not be sequential.

3. Trade the bank teller something of equal worth for those three five-dollar bills. You’re not the thief in this scenario!

4. Go home.

5. Get notebook.

6. Get pen.

7. Choose previously blank sheet of paper.

8. Write: Dear Susan. Please send me a batch of dark chocolate brownies.

9. Sign your name to the note.

10. Include an address for me to mail brownies to.

11. Rip sheet of paper out of notebook.

12. Fold sheet of paper neatly into thirds.

13. Carefully place the three brand new, non-sequentially numbered five dollar bills into the middle of the note. Do not fold the five dollar bills. If you must, repeat steps 6 through 13 on a standard size sheet of notebook paper.

14. Place packet into #10 envelope.

15. Seal envelope.

16. Address to Susan Helene Gottfried at West of Mars.

17. Place Forever Stamp in upper right-hand corner.

18. Deliver to postal worker, dependable mailbox, or best friend who is headed to the post office.

19. Mail.

20. Sit back and wait. Brownies will arrive within a week, unless postal workers between here and there open box and partake.

Failure to adhere to any of these directions will cause your brownies to mysteriously vanish into the gut of one Tour Manager, who will then have to bike many miles to be thin again. Please, if you’re not going to follow the directions (okay, you can ask for my real address), just make a cash donation here instead.

Okay, now that you’re laughing, go to the Bloggers Choice Awards and vote for me. I’m too lazy to cut and paste the code yet again. Must be post-brownie syndrome.



  1. Karen

    May 15, 2007 3:42 pm

    lol lol lolBR/BR/As per usual… it’s me from my other account BR/- A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”karen/A

  2. Amy Ruttan

    May 15, 2007 7:50 pm

    LOL! they must be good, but as I am forsaking all carbs(well at least thats what I tell myself) the tour manager can have mine!

  3. Lauren

    May 15, 2007 9:45 pm

    You don’t specify which currency the five dollar bills must be in!

  4. spyscribbler

    May 15, 2007 10:36 pm

    Man, I am so hungry. I wan chocolate!!!


    May 15, 2007 10:38 pm

    Yummy!!! Don’t your regulars get some for free? LOL =)

  6. Sparky Duck

    May 15, 2007 11:21 pm

    sequential five dollar bills? Are you out of your mind? do you know how are it is to get new Fives when its not Christmas????

  7. Wylie Kinson

    May 15, 2007 11:43 pm

    Is there any ‘secret ingredient’ in your famous dark chocolate brownies that would inhibit them from being sent across international borders? BR/BR/If the answer is YES – then I’ll take two batches please ;)BR/BR/If the answer is NO – um… I’m with Amy on the no-carb thing ;p

  8. littlebirdblue

    May 16, 2007 2:18 am

    Susan, BR/That’s a cool-looking charity! Are you involved, or just liked the cut of its jib?

  9. Susan Helene Gottfried

    May 16, 2007 7:53 am

    Wow, you guys check in late at night. BR/BR/So… BR/BR/Yes, the brownies have carbs. Sorry about that. They also have lots of other things that require me to keep the recipe a secret lest people discover just how bad for you they are. BR/BR/Wylie, no idea if those things can’t be transported over country lines; all I know is that there’s nothing illegal in this country in them. The high you get is entirely chocolate-induced. BR/BR/Sparky, I said NON-sequential fives, dude. BR/BR/Red, so you’re a regular now, huh? Cool!BR/BR/And birdie, The Tour Manager bikes that trail during his lunch hour. Sometimes. That’s why I picked it.BR/BR/But stay tuned… there will be an opportunity for you guys to get involved with me and charities… maybe the Montour Trail will be one of them. I’m not sure yet.

  10. karen!

    May 16, 2007 11:31 am

    Theoretically I could bike during lunch as we have a bike path right close (*the* bike path from our famous A HREF=”” REL=”nofollow”Bike Path Rapist/A case… the latest is that the suspect confessed to the murders), but for a variety of different reasons it’s just not feasible.

  11. Susan Helene Gottfried

    May 16, 2007 1:24 pm

    Yeah, I wouldn’t want to risk being raped in the name of going for a bike ride, either. BR/BR/Just another reason why you guys ought to move down here… *whistle*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *