Hey, there, Thirteeners. Missed me?

I know my regulars haven’t; they’ve been here with me. But the rest of you?

Man, are you in for a treat.

You see, by popular demand, I’ve been busy doing a few things. Let me tell you about them, Thirteen style.

1. I have collected a bunch of the fiction I like to post here. I took it over to Lulu.com and put it into a book.

2. Lookie!

3. The advantage — other than you don’t have to be online to hang with Trevor — is that I’ve put the outtakes in this volume into chronological order. Many of you asked for this, to have a sense of what happens when.

4. Did I mention this makes Trevor portable? He’s MUCH easier to share, and we all know how much Trevor Wolff likes to share and be shared.

5. But there’s more than just a book.

6. Who here remembers the Musical Hanukkah Celebrations I’ve created over the past two years? (the link will take you to the first one)

7. Well, I’m blurring the line between fiction and reality once again.

8. You can now own a piece of fictional history.

9. Yup, if you click on this link, you’ll be magically transported to my new Merchandise Table over at CafePress.

10. There will be more to choose from soon.

11. But for now, there’s a book. And one shirt. In two colors.

12. And darn it, but I forgot the second-best news: at least some of the profits from the book and shirts will go to the Mr. Holland’s Opus Foundation, which is the charity named in this year’s fictional Musical Hanukkah Celebration.

13. You’ve asked for more Trevor for years. I’m glad to be able to oblige. And best of all, we’ll be able to help some kids start realizing the dream of making music.

Wha? Huh? You mean you haven’t been hanging out here regularly and don’t know who ShapeShifter is?Click on the link and fix that; you’ll be taken to a bio page of the band. From there, you can click on the names of other characters who populate my fiction and/or this blog and explore my world. Come on. You know you can’t resist.

Admit it. You have a shelf, or a box, or a wall, or a closet full of stuff that you keep only because it came from your favorite band. Some things are universal to all bands. Others are specific to our favorite fictional band, ShapeShifter.

See how many you have — or how many you wish you have.

1. Anything autographed and yes, it’s true that the boys will autograph anything. Guitars, CD booklets, clothes, and bodies. For the girls, bras are popular. For the guys, it’s their t-shirts. For the desperate with nothing else to have signed, it’s the backstage pass.

2. The autographs that are then turned into tattoos are treasures, but they probably won’t be worth money some day.

3. Any girl who’s played the Steal the Band’s Underwear have quite the treasure. Especially if they’re lucky enough to get something worn for more than five minutes.

4. Set lists. The most valuable of them are lifted right off the stage and still have gaffer’s tape on their edges.

5. Picks, drumsticks… the usual. It’s all customized by tour or event, of course, adding to the value.

6. Wolf Whistle t-shirts. At the end of every tour, the band plays a surprise show at local club All Access under the name Wolf Whistle. It’s usually announced the day before, and no line’s allowed to form until ten minutes before the doors are set to open. Getting in can be impossible.

7. Posters from the early shows.

8. Hell, anything from the early days. The first t-shirts. The demos. The flyers about early shows. Even the bootlegs.

9. T-shirts from special one-off shows, like the Musical Hanukkah Celebration. The only way to get these puppies is to be inside — or to have a friend who’s inside.

10. Magazines featuring the band.

11. Did I mention bootlegs? Audio, video, it’s both good.

12. Personal pictures with the guys. Again, these may not be worth much to anyone but you unless you’ve got a picture of you and a guy in a compromising position — and with Trevor, there is no such thing as a compromising position.

13. Ticket stubs. The unused old style ones or the new computer scanned are the best treasures, but sometimes, anything will do.

Don’t know who ShapeShifter is? Click on the link and fix that; you’ll be taken to a bio page of the band. From there, you can click on the names of other characters who populate my fiction and/or this blog and explore my world. Come on. You know you can’t resist.

1. A few weeks ago, I posted about this website I’d found that listed fake bands. Seemed to me that ShapeShifter should be on there, but the site hadn’t been updated in almost a year.

That goddess Winter went and contacted the dude, who said he’s still collecting band names (but it helps if he’s heard of them) but isn’t planning an update anytime soon.

Well.

2. Many of you suggested that I make my own list of fake bands. Trevor won’t let me do that, though. Most of you guys know him. He may be fictional, but he’s an original, and he demands that the people around him be brave enough to be original, too.

3. I’d already been playing with this idea beforehand, so I went and made the time and … check it out. A list of Rock and Roll fiction. Yeah, you know. Not just bands, but books about bands.

4. I began by making a list of what’s on my shelves. Then I added in titles I’d run into in other places online. That added up to a long list.

5. As I kept looking around, I found more. You know how it is when you’re looking for a purple car. Suddenly, most of the cars on the road are purple.

6. You may have heard of some of these books, like Reservation Blues, by Sherman Alexie. Or Roddy Doyle’s The Commitments.

7. Maybe you’ve only heard of some of the authors, like Jay McInerney, who wrote Bright Lights, Big City.

8. The best-known might be Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity.

9. Lots of these books were written by people with music industry experience (like me). Check out my favorites, Don Bruns and David Hiltbrand.

10. Nope, I haven’t read all of them yet. Yes, I intend to! And no, I won’t tell which I’ve read and which I haven’t. (Well, okay, except for the above two. Sort of.) Some have been talked about on this blog, but you’ll have to go find them…

11. That means you should read them, too, and form your OWN opinion. I hear lots of complaints about cliches — do you see any? If so, where? (seriously. I want to know.)

12. If you know of any titles I’m missing, you know how to contact me. I’d like this list to be as complete as humanly possible.

13. All the buy links on my blog and website go to Powells. There are lots of reasons for this, but the least is that I get a cut if you buy anything. My plan with that piece of the action is to return it to you via giveaways. I’d love to start doing that, you know…

See the list!

Since my latest update has thirteen authors with new releases (or re-releases), I figured I’d let the band party for another week and remind you of the good stuff that’s already out there. Buying a book in the first 90 days of its release is a great way to support your favorite author (followed only by buying up everything else they’ve published in the past).

Here you go:

Thirteen Book Blips on Susan’s Radar

1. Anna J. Evans
Wicked Witch of the West Village
Devil Take Me

2. RG Alexander
Who Needs Another Superhero?

3. Carrie Alexander
Nobody’s Hero

4. Donica Covey
Tides of Maryna’s Love

5. Dakota Cassidy
Accidentally Dead

6. Amy Wallen
MoonPies and Movie Stars is now out in paper!

7. Christina Dodd
Into the Shadow

8. Shelley Munro
Price of Love

9. Jennifer Estep
Karma Girl has been re-released in the mass-market-size format

10. Elin Hilderbrand
A Summer Affair

11. Lorelei James
Tied up, Tied Down

12. Stephanie Kuehnert
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone

13. Vanessa Jaye
Felicity Stripped Bare

Let me know if you’ve encountered anything great, rave-worthy, or just worth talking about. Yes, feed my small book problem!

** A lack of link in the book title simply means you can’t buy it via Powells. It’s no statement of quality.

1. When the band was in their struggling, pre-record deal days, they played a local show at Decade. Ten people showed up. Ten people left around 8:30 to get a good view of the fireworks in Riverview Park. The show started at 8.

2. The year they signed their record deal, ShapeShifter was invited to play the big Riverview Park festivities. Until one of the city councilmen heard their music and went on record as saying, “I don’t care if there’s a Voss in the band. That garbage isn’t polluting my July Fourth.”

3. A year or two after that, the band tried to play a bigger show. Again, no one bought tickets. They got paid their guarantee, but it didn’t feel much like a holiday.

4. Now, the band knows: either be in Europe where the Fourth isn’t a holiday at all and people will come out in droves to see you, or take the week off.

5. Mitchell prefers taking the week off. This is because he’s got a small love affair going with his grill. And what better holiday is there for grilling than the Fourth?

6. I’m sure many of you are expecting to hear how Trevor likes to go wild with the fireworks on the Fourth. Except… he doesn’t. After all, everyone does fireworks on the Fourth and his name is Trevor Wolff, thankyouverymuch. He’s not everybody.

7. Daniel, however, has no such qualms. If they make it, he’s tried it. Usually using Mitchell’s parents’ back yard as his launching pad.

8. He spends a lot of time making nice to the neighbors. It’s not totally necessary, but Sonya and Patterson insist on it. They’re big on doing the right thing, especially after those small fires that Daniel’s experiments started…

9. Mitchell tried using sparklers as lights so he could see the steaks on the grill. It wasn’t one of his better ideas. He got so busy trying to see what he was doing, he burned his fingers.

10. Guitar players plus burned fingers does NOT equal a good idea in anyone’s book. Except maybe for Kerri and Amy’s. But then, when those two get together, whatever happens usually finds Mitchell bearing the brunt of it.

11. Like the flowered apron that Amy managed to not only get over his head, but knotted so well that Mitchell finally took a steak knife to it in order to escape.

12. Of course, when you get four guys in a band together and add beer and a relaxed environment, you get one thing… a jam session.

13. All four guys get to apologize to the neighbors in the morning, including their friend the city councilman. Yeah, the one who didn’t want ShapeShifterly garbage polluting his July Fourth.

So most of you guys are familiar with the fiction I create here at this blog (as opposed to my other blog, Win a Book, which is mostly about contests to win books. For now.). What you don’t get to see too terribly often is the warped way in which my mind works through things.

I thought I’d change that up for you today, knowing fully well that you very well may run screaming into the night, terrified of what really lurks here. At the very least, I expect many of you to beg for more fiction in the future.

1. I found this site, FakeBands.com.

2. I decided that I aspire to have my fake bands, ShapeShifter and Deadly Metal Hatchet (and all that will follow) listed there. ShapeShifter first, of course. They’re better known. They’re more musically talented.

3. One downside is that this site is pretty out of date; the last update was almost a year ago. And there aren’t any bloggers represented. Of course, that could be because of the date of the last update. A year is a long time in the world of technology. Or it could be that I truly am this unique. Which means I deserve a spot of my own, here, there and everywhere.

4. Many of my friends pointed out that even though ShapeShifter exists only on a blog for now, there is a book waiting to be published. That means that I’m more than just a blogger.

5. More than one friend has commented that ShapeShifter seems more real than certain real bands. That’s not just a compliment to me, but for this Fake Bands site, it’s got to be a plus.

6. Looking at some of the other bands listed there, I wonder if The Barbarian Brothers or Stevie Faith or Jizm have fans who feel that way. (The Cheetah Girls might, but it’s possible they’re the only ones. Or are you going, “Who?”)

7. Maybe I’d get too much notice for ShapeShifter if they are included. According to All Music Guide, there already are a few real bands named ShapeShifter. Some are even making music today.

8. I think that automatically means I can’t be included on FakeBands. I’m not sure. I still think my band should be.

9. After all, part of me thinks that yeah, okay. Say another one of these Shape Shifter bands (or Shapeshifter, but still not spelled identically to my band) gets mad and sues me. Think of all that publicity I’d get for myself!

10. Lawsuits are hassles best avoided, but in this case, it could be fun. After all, my ShapeShifter doesn’t make electronic and reggae and whatever else. They’re a rock band. Maybe they have a blonde lead singer like Mitchell, but so does Motley Crue, Poison, and Warrant. None of whom are the least bit like ShapeShifter, who wore jeans and leather in the 80s, not spandex.

Nor are they like other four-member rock bands. Look at U2. Compare Trevor to Bono. Whoa. Hope that didn’t blow your mind too thoroughly. Or is that a snicker I hear?

11. Part of me wonders if I’m too late in my ambition. The Fake Bands folk have already compiled all of this into a book. At best, I’d only make it into the second edition. Does Trevor Wolff do seconds? I suppose if she’s pretty enough…

12. And really. If this were such a great thing to be part of, why did it take me over two years of blogging to discover it? Or am I having sour grapes? It’s possible. The Net is huge. Which is, of course, part of the problem when it comes to making my fake band a household name.

13. I’m on the fence here. To be immortalized with Tijuana Tokyo, or not to be. That is the question. Opinions?

1. I’ve added a new download to the Free Downloads page of my website.

2. The new one is called Meeting Trevor.

3. You might have read it here, in a slightly different version. From the size of the comment trail, it looks like a lot of you have missed it.

4. I took some time and cleaned it up and edited it before letting it be a download.

5. That’s because what goes on the blog is usually a first draft, or close enough to it to be called a first draft.

6. Part of the idea here is that the downloads will be easier to find, even though you can click on any character on their page at the website and find a list of blog posts that involves them.

7. Another bonus of the outtakes is that they will be in chronological order, which is something that currently doesn’t exist anywhere. Some of you have asked for this. I’m happy to provide.

8. We’ll try to remember to put a little “NEW” icon by the newest outtake when we post them.

9. For now, they’ll all be set in the years before my novel, Trevor’s Song, takes place. You’ll get a unique look at the backstory that creates the book.

10. If Trevor’s Song isn’t published by the time I go through all my outtakes, I’ll figure something out. Self-publish or write more outtakes are the two most obvious solutions!

11. A bonus to doing this is that if there’s enough demand, I can collect the downloads into an actual book that you can buy and put on your shelves and give to friends. That’s going to be entirely dependent on demand, however.

12. One thing that jazzes me is that when people ask if they can buy my book, I can say no, but they can read for free on my website.

13. Tell all your friends. Let’s make them fall as deeply in love with Trevor and company as you are.

If you don’t have a Groupie banner but want one, let me know!

Leah Braemel had this story to tell, and it’s so perfect, I had to share it.

In case you’re too lazy to click the link (shame on you!), in a nutshell, the story goes like this: two guys shopping early morning in a guitar store. No one’s around except this long-haired heathen, playing a guitar hooked up to a monstrous amp. An amp that’s been turned to 11, at least. Maybe 14. In a guitar shop, not a concert hall.

For about half an hour, the shoppers do their best to shop, but Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar won’t let up. He’s got a full-on jam going.

But then, when he stops, one of Leah’s guys yells, “Hey! Shut the fuck up!”

Oops. Turns out that Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar is a Mega Big Rock Star. You Ozzy fans might have heard of him and no, I’m not talking about Randy Rhoads. Think more current. Think who’s playing with him currently.

Now, we have no way of knowing what the real Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar said or did, or if this is a story he even retells — if he’s cool, he does, complete with a chuckle at the chowderheads who didn’t recognize him and a second chuckle at himself for not convincing the guys to buy the new guitar he was there to promote.

And since I’ve already taken great liberties with the retelling of this story, I think I’ll take a few more.

What if Mr. Heathen-on-Guitar (isn’t that a fine British name, sort of like Stratford-on-Avon?) had been ShapeShifter’s Mitchell Voss? Or ShapeShifter’s lead guitarist, Eric Wallace? Or even our favorite bad boy, Trevor Wolff (who’d never do this sort of thing because it involves playing in public without Mitchell covering his sorry musicianship, but he’d open his mouth and defend his best friend — in typical Trevor style.), and don’t forget our drummer, Daniel Sydor, too.

Here’s what they might have said:
1. Eric: Hey, come check out my new guitar. I’ll let you play it.

2. Eric: Oops. Sorry I’m so loud. Here, have some guitar picks.

3. Eric: Got anything you want me to autograph?

4. Mitchell: No.

5. Trevor: If you don’t like the sound of a guitar, go home.

6. Trevor: Who the fuck died and made you the music police?

7. Mitchell: Why?

8. Daniel: Hey, I’m just the drummer. Don’t look at me.

9. Trevor: I can tell them to make it louder.

10. Mitchell: Next you’ll ask me to play fucking Freebird.

11. Trevor: Are you some Bettina Beverly* fan?

12. Mitchell: What? I can’t hear you!

13. Trevor: We were here first. First come, first served doesn’t only apply to me and my girls, you know.

* Bettina Beverly? Think Celine Dion, only Riverview style.

And now that you’ve had fun with me and the band, go thank Leah for inspiring me so nicely this week, okay? I know she’d appreciate meeting you.

1. The Stanley Cup.
Okay, so it’s on my mind. Go figure. Sue me. Whatever; just help root the Penguins on to an improbable victory. And no, their winning isn’t the same as MY winning. *I* want to win it and hold it and hoist it over my head… Did you know I am a certified coach and that I used to play ice hockey? It was the last Stanley Cup craze in Pittsburgh that encouraged me to learn all that.

2. An Oscar. What can I say? Maybe I’m shallow, but I’d love to walk the red carpet and watch my band win. Yes, for a movie version of Trevor. Or something else I’ve created. I’m not terribly picky.

3. An Emmy. ShapeShifter hits your TV. Could be fun.

4. A Grammy. For writing the music behind ShapeShifter. Nevermind that I’m about as musical as a door, I’ve got a really good ear for what’s hot and what’ll be popular. Or so I learned during my years as a college radio DJ.

5. A Tony Award. Yep, for writing a musical.

6. The Nobel Prize. Not because I want to write heavy literature that changes the world (quite the contrary; I want to entertain the world), but because it’s awarded for an entire body of work, and to win it, you have to get an entire body of work published. No small feat in today’s day and age.

7. Best new writer. From anyone. From everyone. ‘Cause, you know, it’ll mean there’s a book in your hands.

8. Community service awards. I have plans in mind. My good friend Bridget and I will be working on them over the summer. Stay tuned.

9. Induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hey, why not? If there are songwriters in there (Lieber and Stoller come immediately to mind), there can be novelists, too. (What? You don’t know who Lieber and Stoller are? Google them as you sing “Hound Dog,” okay?)

10. How about an MTV Music Award? Or an American Music Award? Yeah, so what if they don’t mean what they meant back in the late eighties, I still dreamed of winning them for something I’d written. Like that makes sense, I know. Music awards for writing. But this is me. I like breaking rules.

11. Maybe I’ll start a new award. The Trevor Award. I’ll be the first person to get it, and I’ll give it to people who are rebels like me and Trev… hmmm…. that’s not a bad idea…

12. Every blog award that’s out there. Not because I’m greedy so much as because it’s how I know you guys love what I do.

13. A published novel that you can buy in any bookstore and that gets reviewed in all sorts of great places. To nothing but praise, of course. What other reward could there be in life beyond the gratification of sharing your vision with the world? All that comes before in this list pales next to that.

This year, they’re taking a break from the extensive tour and appreciating the season. You can probably figure out who does what by now, but if not, it’s still a good list. I’ll be doing some of these, myself.

1. Playing or hanging at day-long music festivals.

2. Hanging in the hammock out back and playing guitar.

3. Sleeping late.

4. Back porches after sundown with a cold beer. And a cigarette.

5. Hanging at Daniel’s pool. Yes, Mabel the Fifteenth tried to go swimming. Why do you ask?

6. Fighting over who gets to do the honors in front of the grill.

7. Going to Big Buck’s and sitting outside on the patio, where it’s cooler and there’s always a breeze off the river.

8. Girls in scanty clothing. Or, better yet, bikinis.

9. Wearing nothing but cut-off shorts, yourself.

10. Laying in that hammock without a guitar and dreaming.

11. The steamy heat of a club, whether you’re playing or hanging.

12. Blasting your own music out your car windows as you tool around town, feeling cooler than you probably are.

13. Val’s lemonade. Nothing better on a hot day.

1. The time the video director pitched an idea that had the ShapeShifter boys dancing. DANCING.

2. The time Kerri went to pick up a package at the post office, only to find it had come $3.50 postage due because it had been wrapped wrong and she only had $2 on her. She refused the package, which had been one of those nice gestures on the part of someone else — but not for $3.50.

3. The time the band found a key lime pie in their dressing room. It wasn’t on their contracted tour rider; the promoter had thought it was a nice touch and got whiny when the band asked him to remove it. It didn’t touch him nearly so nicely when Mitchell made him wear it.

4. The sound engineer in the recording studio who forgot to push PLAY.

5. From time to time, Kerri meets someone who expected Kerry Voss, male artist, and not Kerri Voss, female.

6. The time Eric was offered an endorsement deal for a new guitar — but only if he’d never play his current ones again.

7. The new employee of the record label who had heard that Mitchell would be mean to her, so instead of asking him for lyrics for the new disc’s booklet, she did her best to interpret what she heard.

8. The time Kerri was asked to create the art for an event whose cancellation no one told her about.

9. The time the band opened a box of new t-shirts, only to find that the silver ink was red, the shirt itself was orange, and the whole thing looked like bloody puke.

10. Let’s not forget the newspaper reporter who tried to write a flattering article but confused ShapeShifter with … well, they’re still trying to figure that one out. But according to this person, who may or may not have ever heard the band, ShapeShifter is Satanic. Glad someone forgot to inform the band of that…

11. A local crew member, coming up to Trevor from behind, thought he was a woman. In that person’s defense, his hair was waist-length at the time and, from the back, he could be confused with a woman hippie… who wears biker boots and a chain connecting the wallet in his back pocket to a belt loop. And… well, you get the idea.

12. Someone filling in for Mitchell’s tech once strung Mabel upside-down. It may have been a joke, but the joke was on him when Mitchell broke Mabel over the guy’s back.

13. Often, at a backstage appearance, a guy will pull a CD (in the old days, a cassette tape — remember those?) out of a pocket and ask Daniel to listen to his demo. Daniel’s always willing — but once, the guy had given him a ShapeShifter disc, and no contact information so Daniel could make the swap.

Hey, groupies! Other than #2, which just happened to me in real life today, would you like to see any of these turned into outtakes? Given time and interest, I just might do it for you. ’cause I love you guys and all.

Thirteen Things about the new blog

2. It’s called Win a Book.

3. I think you can figure out its purpose. But if not, the idea is that we’ll collect news of book giveaways around the Net. You can come to us and we’ll tell you who’s being buzzed about.

4. The ultimate idea here is to help spread the word about debut and mid-list authors.

5. I have to confess that Julia‘s book reviews made me feel guilty and like I wasn’t doing enough to help out people I really care about.

6. You can visit the blog at Win a Book.

7. There’s also an e-mail set up so you can contact me with news of your contest.

8. A lot of contest sites out there won’t post your contest unless you submit in a particular format. We’re not like that. We’re easy.

9. I know some blog authors don’t want publicity for their contests, because of the people who only stop by for in the hopes of winning things. I don’t blame them.

10. On the flip side, I’ve stopped by a lot of blogs because of a contest and wound up adding them to my reader. So you never know.

11. Hopefully, this is only the tip of the iceberg in the things I’ll be doing in the future for my fellow writers. I’ll be doing more posts like this one.

12. If Trevor read, I’d let him write a post or two. But this is what happened the last time he read something. Scary.

13. Win a Book. Really. Let’s start here for the time being. Come join us.

When I noticed that this week’s official Thursday Thirteen theme was gross, Trevor got all excited. Trevor Wolff isn’t a man who begs, but he was all but prostrate on the floor in front of me, eager for his chance to sound off about how gross monogamy, marriage, and Mitchell’s wife Kerri all are. (Yes, he was well on his way to making another letter-themed list like last week’s).

Problem is, no one really wanted to listen to Trevor on that particular subject. Trust me; you didn’t, either.

Since Trevor is off ranting about monogamy, marriage, and Mitchell’s wife Kerri, the rest of us got together and came up with a list of things we say when it looks like practice won’t be happening.

1. Mitchell’s mountain bike is calling. Daniel’s pool is calling.

2. The band has blisters. On their fingers, on their shoulders from their guitar straps, on Daniel’s hiney (no, that’s NOT the word he used) from too many hours on that drummer’s throne.

3. Communing with nature is the best sort of prayer, and Eric needs the best sort of prayer. No one’s sure why; when they ask, he just smiles and says it’s between him and God.

4. Trevor’s got a girl waiting. Trevor needs to go find a girl. Trevor needs to find girls for Mitchell, Eric, and Daniel. Trevor has girls waiting for them all. You get the idea. Trevor + girls = no practice today.

5. Hangovers. ‘Nuff said.

6. The Hatchet needs to be sharpened. This only works for the guys in Deadly Metal Hatchet, obviously. Please don’t try it at home. Men with funny white coats might show up on your doorstep. Or worse.

7. Someone is hungry and Val is cooking. Therefore, practice will end as soon as whatever Val’s making comes out of the oven. Maybe the guys need to go watch and make sure it doesn’t burn…

8. Mitchell’s out of new guitar strings. Eric’s out of new guitar strings. Trevor hasn’t bought new strings for his bass … well, ever. So it’s Mitchell’s fault that he has no new strings. Even though the guys have techs who work year-round for them and who keep the axes well-strung.

(strung I said! STRung!)

9. With the techs around, there are too many people in the practice space. The techs have work to do. The band can’t do it until they’re done. Good thing the techs aren’t in any hurry.

10. The guys in Deadly Metal Hatchet often wonder why they bother to practice. They’ll never be as good as ShapeShifter.

11. The guys in ShapeShifter often wonder why they bother to practice. Their fans only want to hear the same old songs.

12. It’s too nice out to spend inside practicing. It’s too rainy; the humidity affects the instruments. It’s too cloudy to think straight. Let’s wait for a snow day. There might be one in the next ten years.

13. Fans? People want us to sound good??

T is for Holy Terror.

T is for terrible.

T is for Touring.

T is for Tremendous.

T is for tortured.

T is for Ten inches.

T is for trouble.

T is for tenacious.

T is for Tight.

T is for tragic

T is for Trail Blazer

T is for Total Package.

More Ts… teetotaller, terrible, terminal, thread, thirty, three, twenty-some, trusting, travel, thorn, trustworthy, thrash metal, thunder, thing, thundering, threesome, tired, tumultuous, thoughtful, trait, thoughtless, tasteless, timely, talkative, turtle, tundra, the, tissue, than, trouble, tithe, Thursday, thirteen, three, Tuesday, tape, why, the, fuck, are, you, still, reading, go, leave, a, comment, already!

1. I read a ton, but the Jewish Lit began with Lisa Pearl Rosenbaum‘s A Day of Small Beginnings.

2. It was a beautiful book. I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Then it was on to one of my favorites: Linda Fairstein and Bad Blood.

4. She’d seen me mention how much I like her, and had sent me the book to say thanks. It did NOT disappoint. In fact, it might be one of my favorites in the series.

5. I loved learning about New York City. That’s one of the trademarks of her books, in fact.

6. After many years of sitting on my night table, I read On Her Way Home, by Harriet Rochlin. This was the last in a trilogy about a woman who moves to the desert Southwest and helps found a town.

7. I still think my favorite was the middle book, The First Lady of Dos Cacahuates.

8. The problem with picking up a series midway through is that often, the author has improved with age. Such was the case with Daniel Silva and his The Mark of the Assassin.

9. On to the next, which was another book club choice: Getting Old is Murder, by Rita Lakin. What a fun read! I don’t know if the series will grow long in the tooth for me before it does for Lakin or her core readership, but I’ll definitely be finding out.

10. What Jewish Lit list would be complete without my hero, Joann Sfar? I finally finally got my mitts on a copy of The Professor’s Daughter. I adore Sfar, and this collaboration with Emmanuel Gilbert didn’t disappoint.

11. Another book that had been here forever (I hate to say it, but five years! In a book’s life, that’s an eternity) was Frances Sherwood‘s The Book of Splendor.

12. I liked her earlier book, Green, so much that it’s still on my shelves. Sadly, I couldn’t say the same for this one.

13. And to wrap up, I’m currently reading Naomi Alderman‘s Disobedience. Yet another book club pick, I’m really into it and can’t wait to see what happens next.

That’s a total of eight books read for the challenge. If you’ve got any good suggestions for more books by Jews or featuring Jewish characters, leave ’em in the comments. I’m up to something (for a change)…

Do you miss Trevor? He and the guys will be back for next week. Or go visit the link that’s his name and read some of the fiction I’ve written featuring him. I miss him, too.

Some thoughts about the first day of the Romantic Times Convention:

1. I heard there are 999 people other than me in attendance. Last year, there were 650.

2. Lauren Dane Rocks.

3. Megan Hart Rocks.

4. Tilly Greene is awesome and I’d better get to hang with her more.

5. Ann rocks the hardest. We’ve been hanging together, although this being on the phone and within sight of each other needs to stop.

6. Good things come out of bad parking hassles.

7. Being able to say, “Yo, Dude, I’m from West of Mars” gets you brownie points with lots of people on staff at the Hilton. Only, substitute the real name of an area near where I live for West of Mars.

8. People look at you differently, almost dismissively, when your nametag says “Aspiring Author.” The Tour Manager is fixing the nametag problem. Others are at work on the aspiring problem. (Won’t you help with that?)

9. My feet hurt, and it’s only day one.

10. JR Ward is amazing in person. Vivacious, but cool. So alive. And no, I did NOT take nostril shots of her. Puh-leeze.

11. Kim Harrison looks like my vision of Rachel Morgan. She’s got quite an air to her — please don’t take that as a negative. She’s very nice and interesting.

12. Nancy Martin breezed through.

13. Oy. My feet.

Needless to say, the conference runs until Sunday. I’ll return visits once my feet have recovered. I’m skipping the gym before heading back down tomorrow…

1. Taking a smoke break.

2. Juggling girls.

3. Annoying Mitchell.

4. Practicing. Nominally.

5. Playing shows.

6. Touring.

7. Discovering that it’s cooler to hang in a jacuzzi than it is to hang by the side of the pool.

8. Trying to out Roadie Poet.

9. Stealing bacon and doughnuts and anything else swimming in grease from the crew catering area.

10. Sitting behind Daniel or Mitchell while they give interviews, making fun of them the whole time.

11. Running from Mitchell’s swinging fists.

12. Sucking up to the band’s wardrobe manager so she’ll do his laundry for him.

13. Dreaming of seeing my book about him on the shelves.

I’ve got all these things I’ve been wanting to share with everyone, so I’m sending the bands into their practice spaces, I’m parking the journalists in front of their computers, and telling the chef, the artist, the groupie, and the roadie to go about their business for the week.

Let’s talk books!

1. My eroti-chick friend Lisa Andel is reporting that her book Dead Again is now in print. My link will take you to the post on her blog about it; you can buy it from the links she provides.

2. My other eroti-chick friend Tilly Greene has the same wonderful thing going on! Here’s the link to her blog about the release of Zandia.

3. Not quite an eroti-chick but still an erotic writer nonetheless, TA Chase also has seen one of his e-books make the jump into print. No Going Home is the name of his book. Check it out.

4. This is a big deal because e-books have to sell a certain amount before the publisher will venture into print with them. After all, the costs for print books are higher. So if you’d like to explore (or further your explorations) of erotic literature, these three would be great places to start. If you’ve never read an e-book and wonder what the fuss is about but really don’t want to read on the computer or buy a reader, this is your chance to see what’s up. Best of all, you can hold these puppies in your hand and turn the pages.

5. Contests! I’ve got two contests to tell you about, and I’m not running either one of them!

6. First, we have my bud a Bookworm, over at A Book Blogger’s Diary. She’s giving away a copy of The Tea Rose, by Jennifer Donnelly.

7. As I said to her, the timing is sort of funny because I’d read about this book on someone else’s blog (if it was you, apologies; I read about 400 feeds a day and yeah, things get blurry fast) and was intrigued. And then, the day she posted this contest, I’d been reading an old Publisher’s Weekly from November, and there was the review. I was hooked all over again!

8. I almost didn’t share the news of this contest ’cause you know. I’d like to win it and all. Maybe if you win it, you’ll share it with me?

9. My other bud, Cheesy Giraffe, is having her very first contest. Sorry, you non-US folk, but this is a US-only contest. And no, I won’t let you ship it to me and I’ll ship it to you. Not even if you’ll publish Trevor for me. Now, if you’d design me a ShapeShifter t-shirt I could sell the rest of you groupies, we can talk…

10. Patience pays off. You guys know what a Joann Sfar fan I am, right? I’ve listed every one of his books I don’t already have on my wishlist at BookMooch and finally, finally, I was able to get my hands on The Professor’s Daughter. While not my favorite of his (I think The Dungeon series has that honor. Yes, even over the Rabbi’s Cat), it’s still darn good. Get your own, though!

11. I really like science fiction/fantasy art. It just appeals to me. And so, I read Irene Gallo‘s blog. It’s a dangerous place to be; I came across this gem. Since you’re too lazy to click the link, I’ll tell you it’s called The Plucker and it’s an illustrated novel by this dude named Brom.

12. The Tour Manager came home from the office on Monday (yes, he does more than tend to my every need) and told me he had my birthday present for me. Nevermind that I’m an April baby, he had the present and he was handing it over.

13. I’m very glad he did. It’s gorgeous and I can’t wait to read it. The Tour Manager rocks.

Hey, before I go, am I the only lucky RT attendee who got kicked over to the overflow hotel? I’m wondering if, given that the whole idea of having a room was to have a nearby retreat and place to change my clothes, I should save the money and just sleep in my own bed.

1. Trevor swaps his leather jacket for a leather vest over a denim jacket.

2. Trevor rediscovers the pack of cigarettes he left in the leather vest when he wore it last.

3. The cigarettes are now stale. He offers them to Mitchell.

4. The Deadly Metal Hatchet beheads daffodils.

5. Fozzy buys the longest shorts a guy can get away with, hoping to hide the scars on his leg. Then he makes his annual call to the plastic surgeon to see if anything can be done about them.

6. Big Buck’s wife Beverly fires up the mobile grills and begins to get ready for the summer barbecue cook-off season.

7. Walter gets ready for a new tour.

8. Eric throws Cadbury Crème eggs into the audience.

9. They’d rather have his guitar picks.

10. Chelle swaps her long-sleeved concert t-shirts for the short-sleeved concert t-shirts.

11. Pam’s classes fill up with women worried about bathing suit season.

12. Roadie Poet, Hambone, and More begin fielding offers of work on summer tours.

13. Lyric offers her yearly discount on her favorite stockings to anyone with a prom ticket.

14. Susan’s world continues to grow. And grow. And grow. Sort of like the dandelions in her front yard, only more entertaining.

1. Zeynep Goldstein. This not-terribly-observant Muslim woman married a not-terribly-observant Jew and, without meaning to, found a way to begin to bridge the centuries-old hatred between the people of the two religions. (Although, as a Jew, I didn’t know of this hatred until about ten years ago, at most. Must be a hidden hatred, or am I that sheltered?)

2. Toni Lauren Smith — One of eight children, Toni and her husband Leon decided to seek fulfillment by not contributing to the world’s population problem. Instead, they work tirelessly to promote the conservation of the world’s green spaces and the flora, fauna, and wildlife that dwells within in. (If you think she wasn’t inspired by a certain blogger, you’re nuts.)

3. Maureen — Also known as More to Roadie Poet, she is helping (along with the real-life women out there) that women do belong in the often-sexist world of roadies.

4. Aliyah — Created last week, all I know about Aliyah so far is that she’s a chemist, doing research in a New York City lab into alternates for petroleum. Her partner is a big-shit record producer, also in New York. She keeps him grounded and proves, yet again, that it takes a good woman to make a man great.

5. Sara Deaver — a single mom who teaches her community and social circle how to live with grace under pressure.

6. Alina Kozlova — A historian by training, Alina brings history to life, with the help of a team of sociologists, pyschologists, and every other -ologist she deems necessary. First through articles in a national news weekly magazine and then through her own books and later podcasts, Alina makes history sexy — and reminds us of the relevance of the past in today’s world.

7. JC Montecino — The US Government’s top IRS fraud inspector. Despite long hours on the job, JC raises a family of seven children. With the help of her stay-at-home husband who somehow finds the time and energy to constantly be renovating at least one room of the four-bedroom house.

8. Pauline Smolinski — A Holocaust survivor, at 80 she begins a new career as a Food TV host. As a judge of Iron Chef America and all those food competitions where people create crazy things and win ten grand for it, she’s not afraid to show what’s what in terms of the importance of food and nourishment.

9. Beverly Buck — Big Buck’s wife. Those of you who hang around know that Big Buck’s Best Barbecue is one of those places in the fictional city of Riverview that no one can get enough of. Beverly is responsible for creating Bodacious Sauce. She’s also the one who takes the mobile barbecue on the road, proving that women can barbecue with the best out there.

10. Sassy Brody — A lawyer whose rising star has people hoping she’ll be named US Attorney General.

11. Ruby Red — fashion designer to the stars, she helps turn the musical culture into something other than sex and the ghetto.

12. Bunny Fitzgerald — At the tenderish age of 20, Bunny Fitzgerald took the skateboarding scene like a storm. The first female pro with a reputation as good as Tony Hawk’s, Bunny takes that board and flies with it. Rumor has it that Shaun White thinks she’s hot, but the idea of being Bunny White scares her sleepless.

13. Lyric Maker — You’ve met Lyric on these pages before. Stay tuned; there’s more of her to come. LOTS more.